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It’s the 21st century ladies. By all means, have a one-night stand. But make sure you know what that means and that you’re having it with the right person. Feelings shouldn’t be hurt. Feelings shouldn’t even really be involved. But it’s tough to tell when a one-night stand is fair to everyone involved, and when someone is going to end up feeling guilty. Here’s how to avoid the guilt, and retain all the pleasure:

Don’t talk about the future

Don’t say “oh we should do that!” when he mentions an upcoming event. Just say “that sounds cool.” You’re not planning on being in this guy’s future. You want to be in his right now. You don’t need to make it seem like you’re interested in something more with a man to get him to sleep with you. If you make it clear that you don’t plan on seeing a guy past that evening, then you’ll only attract the guys that are on the same page. But if you can tell that a guy expects further encounters, throw that fish back.

Don’t ditch your friends

If you’re with a group of girls in which there is an understanding that you all are on the prowl, then go home with a guy if you find one. But, if you’re out with just one other girl, or perhaps you’re the driver of your crew, don’t ditch them for your one-night stand. Your friends will stop going out with you if you always abandon them. And you don’t want to feel guilt about your rudeness to your friends.

Make sure you mean it

Usually, not always, but usually, if you sleep with a man the first night you’ve met him, he assumes that it will be a one-night stand. And he assumes it because men know that women are taught not to sleep with a guy who we really like on the first night. So, if you think you’re about to go to bed with a guy, be certain that this isn’t someone who you’re going to end up fantasizing about going on cute dates with and regretting that you blew that chance. Not always, but usually.

Only sleep with a gentleman

There are perfectly nice guys out there looking for one night stands. It’s not only the ones who make vulgar comments under their breath—or directly in your face—and blatantly try to get you drunk who have one-night stands. If you don’t want to feel used the next day, make sure the guy at least pays for your drinks, seems to care to some degree for your well being (for example, he shouldn’t want to sleep with you if you’re falling over drunk), and doesn’t make any derogatory comments about how he only wants you for your body. He may think it, but he doesn’t have to say it.

Sleep at your place

The morning after can feel like a ticking time bomb. Is this guy wondering why you are even still there when he wakes up? Does he not want to touch you now that it’s over? Or, does he plan on making you a nice breakfast and would actually find it offensive if you just bolted? Let him be the one asking himself these questions, and have the one night stand at your place.

Offer to make him breakfast

What goes around comes around and you don’t want to send a guy out of your bed and out into the world with a bad opinion of women because you treated him like a piece of meat the morning after. Talk to him. Even cuddle a little. Offer to make him breakfast. There is a reason that some men think women are complete man-eaters. Don’t be that reason. Be a good hostess, but remember to maintain your boundaries.

Don’t steal him from someone else

Have some courtesy. If you really just want to sleep with this guy, then don’t seduce him away from a girl who clearly likes him. Because then you may have ruined something good for both of them, and all for nothing—only for your one night stand. If you can tell that a guy is trying to choose between you and another sweet, well-meaning girl who wants more than a bit of intimacy, go seek your personal pleasures in other pastures. Having casual sex is a part of life today, but many women who have made the choice not o be celibate often still harbor guilt during a time when men seldom feel the same thing. If you are interested in experimenting with this way of expressing yourself, you should always protect yourself with condoms, and try things that feel right. Just don’t create any love karma that might come back to haunt you.  Would you agree?

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