Women’s misogynist behavior towards each other exposes something deep and dark within women’s relationships. For some reason our ability to support, protect and fight for each other is not always our first instinct. Whether this behavior stems from a childhood issue or it was something we learned from society, women are often too critical of one other. But why? Explore these 5 reasons for our competitive nature, and 5 ways we can change it today.
1. Fear of not being liked– Women strive for acceptance and positive reinforcement. Whether in the workplace, at home, or in social settings, women often have an urge to be accepted by others. Women are nurturers and naturally want to bring people together and “nest.” To do this we are taught to find a spouse and start procreating before our “baby making” age is over. In our society today, many women have broken barriers and become mothers in their 50s and even 60s. However, for most of us there is a pressure to be desired by a man, get married and live a happy life with 2.5 kids all before we reach the age of 35.
2. Jealousy– Women often feel threatened of other women. In fact, female jealousy is a natural reaction brought on by intense competition between women in the work place, social settings, and finding a man. We can blame some of this on our culture’s portrayal of women in the media. It’s obvious that beautiful women are the dominant species represented on television, movies, the Internet and magazines. Whether we realize it or not, constant exposure to these images will alter our self-image.
3. Low self-esteem– Linked with jealousy, low self-esteem can stem from childhood abuse or an especially traumatic experience. Low self-esteem can also be molded into us from the beauty-obsessed media world that bombards us daily. It is estimated that the diet industry in the U.S. alone is worth anywhere between $40 and $100 billion a year selling temporary weight loss. Here’s the kicker, 90 – 95% of dieters regain the lost weight. On the other hand, research indicates that exposure to images of thin, young, air-brushed female bodies is linked to depression, loss of self-esteem and the development of unhealthy eating habits in women and girls.
4. Competition– Traditionally, women were dependent on men for survival by nature and history. The processes of dating, getting in a relationship and eventually getting married creates a natural level of competition between women. Of course, a healthy amount of competition can help us to strive and push ourselves the best version of ourselves. However, there is a fine line that is crossed very often in our society by women’s obsession with competition to be the prettiest, skinniest, richest or nicest.
5. General Unhappiness– When we are distraught about stresses in our lives, it’s much easier to put someone else down, rather than focus on our issues. Since the playground in elementary school, we learn that saying something mean about someone will deflect our own insecurities by spotlighting somebody else’s flaws. Ideally, we’d learn our lesson when we are the target of these mean words; but unfortunately, it can actually fuel the fire. Anger, depression and self-loathing are common characteristics of a bully. The weakest people hide behind the harshest words.
So how can we change this hurtful cycle?
1. Think before you speak – The next time you open your mouth to criticize someone or something, take a moment and really think about why you want to criticize that person. Is it them that has the problem, or is it more to do with you?
2. Re-frame – If an overly critical thought crosses your mind, try to think of something nice about that person to counteract it. It will make you feel better and could improve your feelings towards that person. This is very helpful; especially if the person is someone you love. Remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Do you want to be the target of those hurtful words one day?
3. Improve your self-image – If you are unhappy with your life, why not take active steps towards changing it, rather than blaming others for your situation? Exercise, take up a hobby or revamp your wardrobe. Do something that will make you feel good about yourself and you’ll find that those harsh, criticizing thoughts will begin to disappear.
4. Exercise and nutrition – Exercising and eating well will enable you to be the best possible version of yourself you can be. Exercise increases the production of endorphins, the feel good hormones that our body releases during physical activity. Choosing healthy food options will help keep your weight under control and therefore boost your overall mood.
More on Madame Noire!
