Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Partner, No Matter How Close You Are

September 26, 2017  |  
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I get it: you and your boyfriend or husband are best friends. And that is great! You should date and/or marry your best friend. This is someone with whom you can guarantee you’ll share a life of laughter, adventures, and support. There are few differences between your romantic partner and your platonic best friend. You use the toilet in front of them both. You call each one out on their bulls*&t. You share a sense of humor with them. But the limited differences are important and they are this: you have sex with your romantic partner, and you don’t have sex with your platonic friend. And you tell your platonic friend everything, but you shouldn’t tell your romantic partner everything. These are pretty important differences to remember. Really, following those rules can prevent a lot of drama in your life. Here are things you shouldn’t tell your partner, no matter how close you are.

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You saved my life/I couldn’t live without you

Maybe your partner did save your life. Maybe you met him just at a time when you didn’t believe in yourself, when you didn’t have much of a social life because you were new to the area, and when you didn’t have self-love. But never tell your partner you can’t live without him because A) Yes, you can. You did before and B) That’s a lot of pressure to put on somebody.

 

 

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Your problem is not a big deal

We can say, here, where it’s safe, that sometimes people complain about things that are not a big deal. And you want to tell them they’re being big babies. But just because someone’s problem isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of problems out there (world hunger, fatal illness…) doesn’t mean it isn’t a negative thing happening in their life that warrants your compassion and listening ear.

 

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I don’t believe in your business idea

If you want to have a happy relationship then stay out of your partner’s business—literally. Men, in particular, can be very sensitive when it comes to criticism about their careers. If your partner has a business idea that you think is doomed to failure but that he is genuinely excited about, you can’t kill his dreams. You can make subtle comments about ways he could perhaps adjust his plans, but you can’t tell him you don’t think it will work out. You’ll kill your relationship, along with his dreams. He needs to find out, on his own, where his business idea will take him.

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My parents/friends agree with me on your flaws

Perhaps they do! But you have to understand that your partner is very sensitive to what your circle thinks of him. I mean, think about it: do you think his parents think that you are perfect? Probably not. But it would be very hard for you to hear exactly what they think is wrong with you. You don’t have that built-in comfort with your partner, from whom you can take a little criticism. If you heard your partner’s parents thought you were a little selfish or a little uneducated, you’d never feel comfortable having dinner with them again. Think about that before telling your partner what your family thinks about him even if it would help you win an argument.

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I had a sex dream about somebody else

We all have sex dreams about people who aren’t our partners! But that doesn’t mean anything. Often, the sexual act represents something else. Maybe we have sex dreams about people who climbed Mount Everest because we crave more adventure in our lives. There’s no need to tell your partner this. Would you want to know if your partner had a sex dream about somebody else?

 

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I had a dream you cheated on me

Again, the act of cheating probably represents something else. Perhaps lately you feel your partner has been more focused on his career than you, so you dream that he sleeps with his boss. You don’t actually believe he’d cheat on you. Sex in sex dreams is rarely about sex. If you tell your partner about this dream, he’ll feel like you’re accusing him of something.

 

 

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You look/sound weird during sex

Look: if you want to kill your sex life forever, then be my guest, and tell your partner that he looks or sounds funny during sex. Because that is what will happen. How would you react if your partner told you that you looked funny on top? You’d never get on top again. You’d freeze up during sex. He’d do the same. Let him make his funny noises, for goodness sake.

 

 

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My last boyfriend was a model/bodybuilder

Good for you! And telling your current boyfriend that benefits your relationship how exactly? Oh? Not at all? In fact, it just instills insecurity in your partner and makes him wonder if you pine after your ex? Cool. Good thing you shared this information. Look: there are some pieces of information you intentionally leave out of your stories about exes. Like if they are Nobel Prize winners, bodybuilders, or found the cure to cancer. Any boyfriend will feel like he pales in comparison.

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I only tolerate your friends

Newsflash: most people merely tolerate their partner’s friends. But you’re not dating his friends—you’re dating him. There is a good chance that he wouldn’t have chosen your friends to be his friends, either. But he doesn’t tell you that, because he wants you to feel completely comfortable having your friends over, and inviting him out with your friends, without feeling he’s doing you a favor. Make him feel comfortable about those things, too.

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I need time away from you

Don’t call it “time away from you” and rather, call it “Time to myself.” That’s all it really is, anyhow. It’s natural to need alone time when you spend so much time with your significant other. But it’s not about getting away from him so don’t put it that way (unless you want a fight).

 

 

 

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You clearly have baggage in this area

Unless your partner’s baggage causes fights between the two of you, you’ll have to leave him to sort it out on his own. If you notice he has some baggage with his family, or some experience from his past, you can’t really call it out. When people have baggage, they’re usually too caught up in it to see it, and can become angry if someone points it out. If he comes to you, asking for guidance on the matter, then you can state that you have noticed he has problems in that area.

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Your style is laughable

You might think it’s cute that your partner doesn’t know how to dress, but if you tell him that he doesn’t know how to dress, he’ll think you’re embarrassed to be seen in public with him. And that will blow up a lot of areas of your life together.

 

 

 

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You’ve put on weight

I know that you’re thinking your relationship is the exception. That you’re so close, you can tell your partner he’s put on weight. No. You can’t. “But what if— ” Nope. Not then. “How about—” Not then either. Under no circumstance can you tell your partner he has put on weight. Get someone else to tell him. It can save your relationship.

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I did this really crazy thing when I was single

You had a threesome, an orgy, or stripped nude at a party. Everybody had their wild days. Unless you have one of the chillest most open-minded partners in the world, your man will not want to know about this. The conversation will come to a screeching halt when you tell him. Trust me.

 

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A lot of men have nude pics of me

If you’ve had a few boyfriends over the years, then you probably sent them some nude photos, or at least photos in a sexy bra. That’s a normal part of a relationship. But now that you’ve broken up, those are just dudes out there, with nude photos of you. Your partner isn’t going to see it any other way, so don’t tell him about it.

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