10 Things We Learned About Whitney Houston From "Can I Be Me?"

Over the weekend, while most people were trying to find a place to watch the Mayweather vs. McGregor fight or the VMAs, I had the chance to check out the Whitney Houston documentary, Can I Be Me? on Showtime. To make it plain, it was honestly one of the saddest documentaries I’ve seen. It was also incredibly eye-opening.

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Viewers had the chance to see Whitney’s humble beginnings, footage of her many interviews and performances over the years — the usual. But what director Nick Broomfield was able to capture that no one else has been able to is the insight of those who spent so much time around Whitney. Not the usual suspects (Gary, Pat and Cicely — though two of the three were present in the doc), but rather, her stylist, her assistant, her friends, those who toured with her for years, security who kept her safe for a majority of her career. What they unveiled about her was quite a bit. Check out a few very intriguing things that I learned about Whitney’s life from Can I Be Me? 

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The Houston Kids and Drugs

During the documentary, Houston’s brother Michael revealed that they did everything together growing up, and as he put it, “You get into drugs you do that together too.” Gary Houston took things a step further and shared that his own initial experience with drugs (he even mentioned heroin) was at 10. And according to Ellin Lavar, her longtime friend and stylist, when they met around 18, Whitney “was already doing drugs.”

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Whitney Insisted on Going the R&B Route After Soul Train Backlash

After the burgeoning pop star found herself booed by a Black audience at the Soul Train Awards, she was more than ready for a change. According to someone who worked at her label, “Whitney insisted they cross her back over to Black music after being booed at the Soul Train Awards, and “I’m Your Baby Tonight” was not a record Clive Davis wanted her to sing.” But according to him, Whitney made it clear that “I’m gonna do me now.”

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About That Title

The title of the documentary, Can I Be Me?, actually comes from one of Houston’s favorite sayings. According to those who knew of her continual use of the phrase, it was the perfect summation of her dilemma: “I have made all this money and made all these people happy, and I still can’t be me.”

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Who Was Robyn Crawford?

We’ve all heard the rumors about Robyn Crawford and Whitney Houston. The documentary gave a very detailed look into their relationship. Crawford knew Houston’s brothers before she even knew the songstress, but they eventually formed an incredibly tight bond that would span through a large chunk of Houston’s career. At one point, Crawford was a creative director for the singer’s tour and had a lot of power. According to Kenneth Reynolds, “Depending on who you were, you had to get through Robyn to get to Whitney.”

As for a romantic relationship, no one could confirm whether or not things had gone that far, but the people in her circle thought Houston was bisexual, not gay. And according to them, Houston’s relationship with Crawford was frowned upon not only by her mother, but also by Clive Davis. As Allison Samuels put it, “There was this tremendous emphasis on being the perfect girl,” and with Robyn around and rumors swirling, Houston couldn’t fully be that.

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Her Relationship With Bobby

According to the doc, Houston met Bobby Brown at same Soul Train Awards she was booed at. “You’re talking about a total 360 image reversal,” a confidant said about being booed for being too pop and then striking a bond with Bobby, a “bad boy,” the same night. “This beautiful pop starlet is now with the bad boy of R&B.” Based on the behind-the-scenes footage we saw, though tumultuous at times, Bobby and Whitney’s relationship also seemed very comical. The former couple were even recorded reenacting movie scenes, including playing Ike and Tina Turner in What’s Love Got to Do With It? 

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After The Bodyguard, Whitney’s Drug Use Got Really Bad

The new audience Houston was exposed to and new fame after The Bodyguard put a very bright spotlight on her. According to those who knew her, Houston realized around that time that “I can’t come out anymore.” She also realized she may have had a problem with drugs when in 1995, while filming Waiting to Exhale, she overdosed on cocaine. At one point, Whitney’s security issued reports to those in charge of her career, claiming not just Houston, but everyone around her was on drugs. They claimed that drugs were hidden in people’s genitalia when they traveled and that the nodules on her vocal chords were made worse due to the use of such substances. One guard claimed that after sending a report, he was thanked for his concern but was also told that Houston wouldn’t be seeking help.

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Robyn and Bobby’s Beef

Robyn Crawford and Bobby Brown reportedly had a serious beef. There is a scene in the movie where he tries to introduce her to the cameraman who has been following everyone while on tour (and who Crawford is already acquainted with) and she literally looks like she wants to run as far away from him as possible. There were even claims of not just arguments but physical confrontations between the two according to her security.

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Whitney and Bobby’s Alcohol and Drug Use

According to those in her circle, including her stylist, “Whitney was getting high before Bobby ever came in the picture.” Being together allegedly made each party’s respective vice’s much, much worse. “Bobby didn’t do drugs when he met Whitney. Whitney didn’t really drink when she met Bobby. But they both had their things: She had her drugs, he had his liquor, and when they came together they both started doing both, which was terrible.”

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What Really Caused the Spiral?

According to those close to Houston, two major factors were the turning point causing the rapid weight loss and extreme drug use that characterized the early 00’s for the singer. For one, it was her father’s decision to sue her for $100,000,000 in compensation. “I think it broke something inside of her that she could never repair.”

Secondly, it was the gaping hole left by Robyn Crawford’s departure. Crawford distanced herself from Houston after tension with Bobby Brown became intolerable. In the end though, Brown admitted that without Crawford, his late wife lost the person who fought the most to get her clean.

“I really feel that if Robyn was accepted into Whitney’s life, Whitney would still be alive today,” Brown said. “Whitney didn’t have close friends with her anymore.” For the record, Crawford now lives with her partner, Lisa, and they have twins.