The harsh reality that many women struggle to admit is that if you are dating a guy who doesn’t make you happy—I mean overwhelmingly, so clearly, no question about it happy—you don’t fully love yourself. Some women cringe or close up when someone suggests they don’t fully love themselves because it can feel like an accusation that that woman isn’t strong or that she has issues. But believe it or not most people on this planet could work on loving themselves some more. Due to things you experienced in your past, the simple concern about being an egomaniac and several other factors, you may resist seeking out the life and relationship you actually deserve. When you do start operating from the simple question, “Does this make me happy?” you’ll be amazed how much simpler life gets, including relationships. Here are the types of men you date when you don’t love yourself.
When you don’t know, from within, that you’re desirable and amazing then you need to prove that to yourself constantly. You might do this by dating the player. Since he is always seeing other women, he provides a form of competition—a way for you to prove your desirability. If you loved yourself and knew from the inside that you were desirable, you wouldn’t put up with this guy.
Narcissists see you as simple utilities in their lives. They don’t typically ask much about your work or your life—they just want you to support them in their endeavors. Anything you do that doesn’t elevate and support them is, in their eyes, useless. But if you don’t love yourself, then you see things you do for yourself as useless right now, so you’d be drawn to the narcissist. You’d find a false sense of purpose in living just to support his life.
When you don’t love yourself, you’re in a state of constantly finding flaws in yourself and trying to fix yourself. Naturally, you’d be attracted to a man who treats you this way, too. This guy tells you what you should do for a living, how you’re doing it wrong, how you should dress, how you should speak to people, what sort of exercise classes you should take and so on. He is essentially molding you into a partner he’d be proud to parade around.
These guys have their priorities turned around. They’ll only go to the clubs with the longest lines, they’ll only hang out with people of high profiles and they’re social climbers. These guys don’t love themselves, so you’re two peas in a pod.
Men who cannot be alone and jump from relationship to relationship do not love themselves. That’s why they need to fill the void with constant affection and attention from a romantic partner. If you don’t love yourself, you’re bound to attract a serial monogamist—you two can enable your unhealthy behaviors of neglecting your own lives for a while
Or the one who keeps it casual
You may go the opposite direction and find men who refuse to put a label on things very attractive. That label is something you can chase—like approval. You know—that thing you don’t give yourself right now.
The man who needs a life coach
There’s nothing like working on someone else’s problems when you don’t want to work on your own. Which is why you may be attracted to the man whose life is in shambles—he needs a couch to crash on, he doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life and he needs somebody to remind him of his doctor’s appointments. So long as you focus on this guy (which could be a long time) you can ignore yourself.
The lazy mooch
This guy’s idea of date night is letting you watch him play video games, and sending you out to pick up take-out while he and his friends continue to drink beer on the couch. You don’t, deep down, feel you deserve a guy who would treat you like a princess, so you end up with one who treats you like his mom.
The paranoid/jealous one
When a man is extremely jealous and controlling, that can feel like love. It isn’t, but it can feel like it. When you don’t believe, deep down, that you’re worthy of love, you might be attracted to a guy who obsessively controls you so you can feel worthy of attention.
This guy can help you escape your problems! He’s 42 and somehow still gets trashed at bars every night. That’s certainly one way to run away from yourself and suppress your emotions. You may be very drawn to the guy who makes you feel like you can just go back to college, and pretend life isn’t passing you by.
The guy who hates women
You may be attracted to a (here it comes) misogynist. Men who hate women actually, deep down, desperately crave the approval of women. But rather than admit that, they turn that feeling around and criticize women. Hey, you’re a woman, and if you don’t love yourself, you may feel you deserve that criticism and you may date this guy.
The entitled trust fund baby/mini celeb
This guy doesn’t love himself either, but treating the server at the restaurant poorly and demanding special attention everywhere he goes allows him to feel important for a moment. You may cling onto this personality type because once you’re in his circle, you, too, get treated “important.”
The near cult leader
When you really don’t love yourself, you can be an easy target for a guy who leads a cult or is the second-hand man of a cult leader. He’ll make you promises about helping you become pure, see the light, find your purpose and things like that. Oh, and he’ll just ask for $5,000 to help you do it.
When you aren’t comfortable paying yourself compliments, you certainly won’t be comfortable with a man who pays you compliments. You’ll instead go for the guy who withholds them, is bad at communicating, and never tells you something like, “You have a wonderful personality.”
The needy, clingy, worships you guy
If you can’t worship yourself, you may just find a guy to do it for you. You may date the guy who will cancel all of his plans at a moment’s notice because you want to see him, and who will clean your home for you and do your work for you.