Are You Wife Material?

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What makes a woman wife material? If you were to ask 5 different guys this same question I assure you, you will get 5 different answers. There may be some similarities and universal traits of excellence that we’re all attracted to but there will also be individual quirks for each man. Contrary to popular belief men are not monolith nor are we these predictable stereotypes that some women create to make themselves feel better about the fact that no one is interested in putting a ring on their finger.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine if you are wife material…

Can you Burn?

Now before you accuse me of being a blatant sexist hear me out. Women who cook are no longer the norm and those who can cook are even more of a rarity. For that reason I don’t think expecting your grandmother’s cooking is as realistic today as it was 40 years ago. Some men grew up in homes with “Big Momma” or their momma cooking up a storm so when they have a girlfriend who can’t burn it’s an automatic turn off.

Are you family oriented?

When a woman asks for a man’s list and sees that one of the top 5 qualities is that the woman be family oriented they immediately pat themselves on their backs saying “I’m family oriented”. Meanwhile they have a terrible relationship with their family and don’t seem to be too interested in building one with his. Or some women have a great relationship with their own family but keep something slick to say about the man’s family. We’re looking to have our own family at some point so when choosing a partner we need someone who helps create that Huxtable vibe. If you think that’s unrealistic, maybe another issue you have that makes you NOT wife material is your inability to dream.

Do you settle?

There’s nothing less attractive than a woman who settles. When looking for a partner both men and women should look for someone who pushes them to be better. A person who settles doesn’t push his/herself so please don’t expect them to push you or the relationship further.

Do you make him better?

A friendship between two people should enhance the two individuals involved and being that your wife should be your best friend she needs to make you better and vice versa. And when I say better, we need to hone our spiritual selves together, work out those financial kinks together and teach each other how to love each other (better). By no means am I saying that you should go into a relationship without being whole first, you have to come to the table with a clear sense of self. However as time goes on we’re supposed to evolve, we’re supposed to change and you’re going to need someone who helps that change be for the better.

Are you the forever type?

A good man is one who is focused on family. When he finds that woman with that forever ish’ he can imagine them going to parent/teacher night together. He can see her in the delivery room and the joy of holding his first born. He sees her in his life forever, celebrating achievements and accolades– he envisions what forever looks like and her face is always in the picture. You would be surprised how many women are in relationships, especially long term relationships where they haven’t asked or know outright that their man doesn’t see forever in their relationship. Some people will force it, thinking he/she will learn to love me. It shouldn’t work that way, it should be organic unless you want to end up having one of these wild and crazy divorce parties.

Don’t look at this small list and apply it to all men, find out what quirks your man has. Notice I left sex out but don’t think that sex is unimportant; my advice would be that a man will appreciate a woman who is open to exploring her body sexually. You might have had a lot of sex but let’s try and have some good sex and for that to happen we need to be open minded.

Moreover don’t read this list and immediately become defensive and lash out about those men who aren’t husband material. Forget those dudes; there are tons of good men out there who will be your knight in shining armor. There are men who will defy patriarchal traditions and work on creating a new man/woman unit for the two of you to exist within. We don’t need nor want to keep you barefoot and pregnant to keep you in our world. We’re looking for a partner just as you are and together we’ll make a superb team.

What do you think makes a man or woman marriage material?

Email nativenotes at or follow him on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr and check out some his writings over at Notes of This Native Son

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