How To Prevent Depression And Anxiety From Ruining Your Relationship - Page 14
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Sometimes those who suffer from clinical depression hide it enough that it doesn’t affect their work, friendships or casual relationships. If you only see friends every so often, you can choose to simply see them on the days when you’re feeling well. As for work, you may not need to chat with people much at your job—so long as you finish your tasks, nobody notices your disposition. And in casual relationships, you can also choose when to see and not to see the person you’re dating. But when you’re seriously involved with somebody, hiding or isolating your depression from your partner is just not an option. Trying to do so can even make you feel distant from and resentful of your partner. Plus, mental issues are nothing you need to hide. Here’s how to keep anxiety and depression from ruining your relationship.
Know when to remove yourself
If you sense a downward spiral happening during which you just won’t be yourself, tell your partner that. Tell them it’s better if you’re not around them right now because you’ll likely say something you do not mean.
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Talk to them about it
When you are having a good day and can discuss your depression or anxiety with clarity, talk to your partner about it. If he knows you struggle he can help you through the dark times.
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Don’t give up on your aids
Whether that’s a therapist, daily meditation or even medication, don’t give up on the things that help you battle depression. Even if sometimes you really don’t feel you can go to therapy, when you’re in a relationship, you’re no longer just going for yourself; you’re going for your partner, too.
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Set up realistic social expectations
It’s important that your partner understands the real possibility that you will back out of plans you’d had for a long time because you are consumed by depression. When you’re having a good day, explain to him what it’s like for you to socialize when you’re depressed, so he will at least have some sympathy when you do cancel something he was really looking forward to.
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Make your partner feel desired
Depression can kill one’s sex drive, but it’s critical that your partner still feels desired. Whatever things you can do to make him feel that way, do them. Regularly. And on the days your libido is up, don’t let schedules or anything get in the way of a session in the sack—your relationship needs it.
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Tell him your triggers
You likely have certain things that trigger your depression and anxiety. Make sure your partner knows what those are; it’s one of the best tools you can give him to help you.
Make sure he knows it’s not personal
When you are depressed, you’re likely checked out of conversations, don’t laugh at jokes, and are very difficult to make smile. Make sure your partner understands that’s not personal and it’s the depression talking.
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Try not to gang up on him
You probably have a friend or family member who also suffers from depression. You probably also take some solace in talking to them about it because they understand you. When your partner’s inability to understand your depression frustrates you, don’t say, “Well I’ll just call so-and-so because at least they understand me!” That is very distancing for your partner.
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Tell him what you need when you’re well
It’s quite common for depressed people to want their significant other near them when they’re depressed, but when a cycle hits, they do not want to ask their partner to stay home with them. When you are having a good day, let your partner know that when bad days hit, it would really help if he just stayed by your side—even if that were just to watch Netflix and eat on the couch.
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Accept that he might see a therapist too
Your partner might see a therapist to talk about his experiences dating a depressed person. Do not take this as an attack on you—he is actually only trying to better understand you and take care of himself so he can better take care of you.
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Don’t criticize his attempts to help
He might try to suggest going on a hike, going to the movies, seeing friends, watching comedy and more to help you out of your depression. Don’t tell him why all of his ideas are bad; just explain that unfortunately right now, those things don’t affect you the way they normally do.
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Let him take his space
Even the most caring, considerate and empathetic partner might find being around you when you’re depressed too much to handle sometimes. Do not take it personally— he’s doing his best.
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Don’t question it when he stays
If your partner, on some occasion, decides to take space when you are depressed, treat that as an isolated incident. If he wants to stay with you next time, do not say things like, “I know you just want to leave like last time so leave!” If he is choosing to stay, accept that.
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Make the good times really good
You and your partner can survive your depression if the good times are really good. Any couple should follow this advice of course but, don’t nitpick at each other, make time for each other, have plenty of sex and laugh a lot together. Memories of a really good day can take you through the bad ones.
