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First, let’s eliminate some of the panic around the word “smothered.” You have likely felt smothered by plenty of people who you absolutely adored and wanted to keep in your life, like your mother or your best friend. If you spend lots of time with someone, you’re bound to feel smothered by them at some point. Just think of that month-long backpacking trip you took with your BFF after college—at one of those hostels, you thought you might abandon your girl at a bus stop. And then, after some space, you can’t believe you ever wanted to be apart! So it’s no surprise that, if you live with your partner, or spend every day with him, one or both of you will feel smothered at times. The important thing is noticing when that’s happening so you can back off, and he can start missing you again. Here are 15 subtle signs he’s feeling smothered.

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