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When it comes to weight loss, most people follow the 80/20 rule. It’s the rule that says weight loss is 80 percent nutrition and dieting and only 20 percent fitness and exercise. But what about the large percent of it that’s mental?
My weight gain was gradual. It took a total of six months for me to pack on 40 pounds, but for some reason, I didn’t realize it. It was as if I woke up one morning and realized my jeans no longer fit. I would sit and wonder sometimes how I got to such a point. I am big. I found myself grappling with self-esteem and body image issues at my largest size, but the funny thing is, even when I was smaller, I still felt like I was bigger. And now that I am bigger, I sit and wish I would have appreciated the days when I was smaller. I took my size for granted. My viewpoint about my body when I was younger changed the way I viewed myself. I found myself settling in relationships because even with all the good I had to offer, I didn’t like the way I looked. Whether big or small, my mindset about my image has been flawed. So, now that I’ve packed on the weight, I’ve realized that in order for me to successfully go through my weight loss journey, and in order for me to work off the weight and keep it off, I would have to learn to change the way I view myself first.
First, I had to learn to accept myself in this moment. I had to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself that this is it. This is who I am right now. I had to learn to love myself again. I had to learn to love every new stretch mark, every crease, every roll, and every fluff and jiggle because they were attached to me. I had to accept that I’ve gained weight. Sulking, whining, complaining and hating myself wasn’t going to change that. Doing this, pushing myself to love myself in a different way, is what gave me the motivation to be my best self and to work to look my best physically.
Secondly, I had to change the way I looked at and ate food. It didn’t help that I worked from home and home is living with my parents, including a mother who bakes. And no, she doesn’t just bake occasionally. The woman bakes cakes, cookies, brownies, pies, bread puddings; she basically does it all and I have a front row seat to tasting them all. I live in one of those houses where there’s always something sweet in the kitchen in a glass case.
It also didn’t help that I’m a foodie. I have dozens of recipes saved on Pinterest and I surf the web for instructions on meals that I’d like to try. I’m probably one of the only people who save Facebook links, and they’re all for food. So in order to begin my weight loss process, I had to purge myself of all the food blogs, the food porn pictures and discipline myself to not stick my hand in the cookie jar whenever I had a sweet craving, but instead, grab an apple or banana.
I tackled the eating part, and once I formed a routine, it became easier. The hard part was exercising. That small little 20 percent was extremely difficult for me. I would get anxious, almost in a panic going to the gym or the track. I mean, people work out to get healthy, but I felt self-conscious because it’s ironic that most of the people who go to the gym are already smaller or in shape. You never really see someone big and struggling on the elliptical or lifting. Well, I mean, it obviously happens, but I just never see it–aside from myself. So once again, it was all in my head. No one was watching me or judging me or snickering at the out of shape lady on the elliptical. I had to push past my perception of things and focus on my goals.
For me, it’s not the actual act of losing weight that’s so cumbersome; it’s the mental process that comes with preparing for it. It’s the pep talks I have to give myself to get out of bed when my alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning to work out. The ones I give myself during those eight-minute ab workouts to not stop and look at the time hoping it will hurry up and pass. It’s all about getting out of my head and just doing what I need to do. At the end of the day, I know that it took me six months to gain this weight, so losing it isn’t going to happen overnight. But it will happen.
