Is This Petty? He Makes Me Feel Bad About Losing Weight

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I’m a big follower of the A&E series, My 600-lb Life. 

I don’t necessarily enjoy watching the individuals featured struggle greatly with their weight as much as I like to see the progress they make to lose it for and following weight-loss surgery. A spinoff of the series has been made, a Where Are They Now? That program follows the same documented subjects as they adjust to life after losing hundreds of pounds, and the effort they make to drop a bit more weight so they can obtain skin-removal surgery. One of the women featured was able to lose more than half of her body weight with proper diet and exercise post-surgery, but in the process of losing that barrier to her happiness, she also had to lose her husband. He turned out not to be very supportive of her weight-loss endeavors. And this seems to be common, because not only have other individuals featured on the program divorced hindering spouses who couldn’t deal with their newfound independence, but many women have also shared their stories online about dealing with the same kind of negative partners.

Like one woman who said that because her husband prefers big women, he’s been against her attempts to lose weight. Keyword: “attempts.” With the lack of a proper support system, the woman consistently yo-yos.

“My husband is just so negative about me losing weight,” she said in her post. “He tries to sabotage my diets and make me feel guilty about losing weight. On various occasions, he has let me know that he has become less attracted to me. Usually when this happens I fall into a downward spiral of depression and I get so insecure I can hardly handle it. This is the point where everything I have worked so hard for completely goes to **** and I gain all the weight back and then some. I have told him that I want to be healthy and that I’m doing what I need to do for me to be happy, but he doesn’t seem to really care.”

The woman would actually go on to say that her husband is a fine partner in every aspect of their relationship–except for this very important part. So what is a girl to do when the person she loves doesn’t support her in one of the biggest goals she’s ever tried to reach in life?

Some women can make it work, it seems. Even Jennifer Hudson, who went from a size 16 to a size 6, said that her fiancé, David Otunga, had moments where he wasn’t thrilled about the changes that came with the difference in her size.

“He’s getting adjusted to it,” she told Jay Leno while visiting The Tonight Show in 2011. “He’s not really into change that much so he fusses at me like, ‘Why do you have to get all dressed up to go out and why can’t you just go out like you used to?’ And I’m like, ‘I’m a walking billboard now, honey!'”

But other women deal with a bit more negativity and decide to leave. As one woman stated in a comment on A Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss:

“You know what’s sad…our mates are usually the first people to check us when we gain weight or fall off the wagon a little bit but when we start to do something about it, sadly we get punished for it. I was in a relationship (and I emphasis [sic] WAS) where my ex had conditions on my weight. If I didn’t lose blah blah blah he was going to leave me. Foolishly I worked towards “his” goal weight for me. When I was finally tired of his crap and lost the weight for myself then he had more issues. My theory is, if your mate can’t support you through good and bad it’s time to kick rocks.”

I can’t imagine putting in the work to reach a significant goal only to have one of the most important people in my life make a conscious effort to thwart my plans. In the case of the married woman, considering that she feels as though her husband is good to her in every other way, they may need some form of counseling (not just a quick conversation) to figure out why he can’t seem to support her. And if that doesn’t work, then I would say she needs to look out for self and split. Because not only is that guy, and individuals like him who sabotage the efforts of men and women trying to lose weight (likely because those people won’t need to depend on them as much for help and affirmation) messing with her emotions, but he’s messing with her health. That’s an even bigger no-no…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. Is this a petty problem they can work on?