Signs You Need Therapy Before Dating Someone New
Signs You Need Therapy Before Your Next Relationship
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You think everyone is a threat
When you’re out with a new guy, anytime he talks about a female friend, or runs into a woman he knows, you look for signs that there is chemistry or a past there. You think every woman is a threat, even if the guy insists she isn’t.
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Why it happens
If you dated someone who was inappropriate with other women—flirting with other women, or even carrying on emotional affairs—but always told you it was your issue and that you were too possessive, you could be left a little turned around. In retrospect, you might realize you were right, and he was inappropriate with other women, but now you don’t trust your own mind, or anybody else. So you err on the side of caution, and just get paranoid.
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If he reschedules you panic
If a guy has to reschedule your plans, or simply can’t attend something you invite him to, you completely unravel. You suddenly feel fragile and insecure and like you want to cry. You feel like you’ve taken 20 steps back in the relationship, when really, he just rescheduled one plan.
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Why it happens
If you were in a relationship for a long time in which little things like rescheduling plans were indicative of much larger problems, it can leave you vulnerable. Maybe your last boyfriend pulled away from you for months by cancelling on you at the last minute, or not coming with you to things you invited him to. There was much more to the gesture then, and now it’s hard for you to believe there isn’t more to it when a new guy does it.
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You don’t want to share personal information
You find yourself stopping when you’re about to tell a new guy something personal. Even if the guy has only proven to be kind and understanding, you freeze up when you want to share a private detail of your life.
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Why it happens
If you were in a relationship where the emotional connection was gone for a long time, but you continued to have sex, you’ll start to have sad emotions associated with sex. Sex is so physically intimate that it highlights a lack of emotional intimacy. You might be too fragile to have sex with somebody new until you’ve learned to really love yourself again after that last relationship, otherwise, sex can leave you feeling confused and empty.
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Why it happens
You might have been in a previous relationship with somebody who had trust issues—somebody who interrogated you and judged you about everything. They left you in a place of feeling that that is normal and that you have to constantly justify yourself.
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You back away fast
The second a guy doesn’t want to spend the night after a date or doesn’t invite you to a party you know he’s going to, you feel the urge to break things off as a pre-emptive strike.
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Why it happens
If you were in a relationship where your partner wanted to take a lot of space as things deteriorated, you’ll have a knee-jerk reaction any time a new guy wants a little space. Even though it’s perfectly normal for a guy you’ve only been out with a few times to want a night alone, you associate things like that with a guy sending you some subliminal message.
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You’re mean
You’re just mean to the men you date. You are the judgmental one. You get on their case about the tiniest things. You feel angry a lot. You put them on trial over being fifteen minutes late as if they cheated.
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Why it happens
If you were with somebody who was cheating on you for a prolonged period of time, it could make you paranoid. You’ll tell yourself, “This guy would never do that” but then you’ll remember the time you told yourself that the cheater would never do that. You’ve lost touch with your intuition, and all you have to go off of is text messages, emails, etc. You need to get gack in touch with your gut.
