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For a long time I assumed that “good sex,”—at least to men—meant all the acrobatics and accessories you can imagine. It was a pretty intimidating thought, actually, that made me figure I was bad at sex. But I finally interviewed my male friends on what “good sex” means to them, and I got some answers I didn’t expect. And some that I did.

“Long sex”

One friend measures the quality of the sex by the quantity — if you can put it that way. His only complaints about sex came when the woman didn’t want to draw things out.

“Oral for her, intercourse for him”

One guy said he was too nervous that he wouldn’t be able to make a woman orgasm during intercourse, so he just had to get her off with oral before he could have intercourse. But he, personally, wanted to finish with intercourse. If he didn’t know for a fact the woman had orgasmed before intercourse, he couldn’t do it.

“The element of surprise”

One guy said he loved that he never knew what his girlfriend was going to try next. Whatever that means…

“A good workout”

“If we aren’t both drenched in sweat by the end, we did something wrong.”

“Being in love”

One romantic said that he could only really enjoy sex with women he’s in love with. And once he’s in love with a woman, all sex with her feels amazing to him. He didn’t care about the position, the time frame or anything like that.

“Rough and fast”

One guy said he liked to have so much mental foreplay throughout the night that by the time actual sex happened, he and the woman basically tore each other’s clothes off and finished within three minutes. “Most of sex happens before the real sex” is what he said.

“Being bossed around”

One guy absolutely needed to be bossed around to enjoy sex. If a woman was timid or waited for his direction, he would lose his erection.


The more teasing, being made to wait, getting a little taste and then being deprived, the better…according to one (martyr?) man.

“Quality over quantity”

Believe it or not, several guys I spoke to said they don’t feel like having sex every day with their partners. They’d rather have it just a couple times a week when they’re both really happy, relaxed and into it than force it every day.

woman in bed after sex

“New positions”

This one may have been an athlete or something like that—he said he craved trying new positions every time. He was too bored to be aroused if the position wasn’t new, and a little bit challenging.

“No foreplay”

One guy said sex felt more urgent and carnal and hot without foreplay. I wonder how his partners feel about that…

“No intercourse”

Several guys actually said they preferred bringing their partner to orgasm, and finishing themselves either entirely through oral or other forms of fooling around. Intercourse didn’t do it for them—they just thought the other stuff was more fun.

“When you’re familiar with somebody”

Plenty of guys in long-term relationships said that was the best sex they ever had. They said the more they got to know somebody’s body and visa versa, the better the sex got.


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