A parent’s number one job is to love their child unconditionally; and, for most of us, that comes easily. Difficulties come with figuring out to how to best demonstrate our love and effectively communicate it to our children. Love is not an emotion but an action and children have to see their parent’s love at work.
We are inclined to love our children in much the same way our parents loved us, good and bad. But, we only owe our seed the good as the goal is for every generation to get better. Love isn’t always gentle and it doesn’t always speak in a soft voice, but it is selfless and committed to generating positive outcomes. The act of love encompasses many things and it’s important to tackle areas of weakness individually.
These are a few of the components we should focus on to help convey love to our children:
1. Sacrifice
Once we become parents, it’s not about us anymore. The child’s needs come first. There is no inconvenience too great and no need too small for a mother or father to put their needs and wants aside. Children are called dependents for a reason. They need us. And, whether it’s losing sleep or driving a Honda instead of a BMW to be able to pay for golf lessons, they have to know we are willing to put ourselves aside to invest in them. Plus, it is our responsibility to open as many doors as possible.
2. Respect
We are authoritative figures in their lives and at no point in time should our children see themselves as our peers. They should be taught to respect and (within reason) obey authority. Nonetheless, they are human beings and deserve to be respected as such. It is important to let them know their emotions, questions and opinions are valid. Respect your child enough to always give them the age-appropriate truth. It clears the air for constructive discussions.
3. Discipline
Children need and secretly want boundaries. Parents are responsible for molding their children into good decision makers. In life, poor choices have consequences and that is something kids must learn. So, it is important to develop a system of disciplinary methods to emphasize the importance of good decision-making. What works for one child may not work for the next. We have to customize the system for each child. The hard-headed, self-assured child may require more than the sensitive kid who straightens up with a single stern look. When we take the time to focus on the disciplinary needs of our children, they can better understand that we are actually doing our best to help them stay out of trouble as opposed to Mommy hollering at everyone.
4. Consistency
We have to do our best to remain consistent in all that we do. Children like what is familiar and they enjoy knowing what’s coming next. The great thing about this is you can give them special things to look forward to like Saturday morning blueberry pancakes. Or it could be something as simple as waking them up every day for school with an “I love you.” No matter what is going on with work, finances, relationships, or anything else, we have to be the same parent and protect them taking on any of our adult stress.
5. Stability
When it comes to a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food on the table, our children should never be worried. Within our control, we should keep them in a home where the can settle in and grow and develop free of worry. It goes hand-in-hand with consistency. Children need the familiarity. They need to know their home will be there after school and Dad is going to pick them up Saturday morning. This is especially important for children splitting time between two homes. Parents have to make the effort to make transitions seamless and create a sort of stability within instability.
6. Reliability
Show your child you care enough about the things in their life to make them a priority. That means dropping them off to practice on time and being at the Mother’s Day breakfast when you say you’ll be there. If there is only one person in the world you child can count on, it should be you. And, that doesn’t mean on your time but the right time.
7. Comfort
You can never give your child enough hugs and kisses. Your warm embrace gives them a sense of comfort; they feel protected and valuable. It is important to give them affection and verbalize how much you love and care for them. Whenever our children are crying or in distress, we should comfort them. There are many ways to do so without “baby-ing” a kid. For instance, your child may cry after receiving a spanking. You can reassure them of your loving intentions and bring comfort with an explanation of your actions followed by a hug and kiss.
8. Time
More than anything, children need time invested into their development and growth as people. Even with our busy schedules, we should be devoting 30 minutes to an hour to our children daily—not including time spent driving to and from school or extracurricular activities. Whether it’s reviewing homework with an eighth grader or coloring with a toddler, the time should be spent showing them you care about the things in their lives and you want to contribute to their success. Though it’s tough to unplug, it is best to spend this time free of distractions.
9. Resources
Providing our children with all of the tools they need to educate themselves and succeed in the classroom and extracurricular activities should be a priority. This means taking them to library, helping research and apply for college scholarships, scouring Craigslist for affordable tennis rackets, etc. We have to provide our children with everything they need to elevate themselves to the next level.
10. Encouragement
You should always be in your child’s corner cheering them on. A parent’s encouragement and support is what keeps a child believing; the reassurance helps to water their confidence and strength. If your child believes you believe, they will be empowered to take risks, embrace competition and use failure as motivation.
No, life isn’t perfect. All parents make mistakes. But, we should strive to be our very best and try to come as close to perfect as we can get.
LaShaun Williams is a lifestyle and relationship columnist, blogger and social critic. Her work has been featured on popular urban sites, such as The Grio and AOL Black Voices. She has made appearances on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and Santita Jackson Show. Williams is also the voice behind Politically Unapologetic, a blog where she unabashedly discusses culture, life and love. Follow @itsmelashaun on Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook.
