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Are you single and you don’t want to be single? There are reasons for that. Mmmhmmm. Sometimes it is your fault. Let’s just put that out there right now.  You can’t fix something if you don’t acknowledge that it’s broken, right? Right. So, let’s delve into these possible reasons why you’re single. Don’t be mad if a little mirror pops up on one of these reasons.

Let’s get it!

1.You think men are intimidated by your education.

It is so friggin’ awesome that you graduated from college–double awesome that you got that good graduate degree too. Seriously, you rock. But nobody and I mean nobody wants to hear about that all the time. You think that guy you dated for a second who was on his fifth year of community college was “intimidated” by your degrees? Nah. He was just sick of you bringing it up all the time and especially sick of  your patronizing talks to him about the importance of education.  Real men are not intimidated by education. Real men are annoyed by chicks who talk about the stuff they were supposed to do anyway like it’s earth shattering. Put your degrees to better use than conversation litter. Use all that fancy education to make grammatically correct tweets and Facebook status updates.

2. You have a stank attitude.

Few things work better as man repellent than a stank attitude.  If you’re at happy hour looking and talking like the dragon lady, you’re not exactly sending out the “I’d love to have a conversation with a worthy gentleman” vibe.  Dudes see you, hear you and then try to holler at your girl who might not be as cute as you but damn it if she doesn’t know how to smile and make a man feel welcome. Take note.

3. You have a ridiculous “list.”

I’m not saying date any ol’ Tom, package or Ray  Ray, but chile does the man HAVE to be 6’3 and does he HAVE to wear Prada loafers? Just be reasonable, my dear. Some of the stuff on your list has absolutely nothing to do with how respectful he is, how affectionate he is, how committed he is to family or a slew of other traits that are actually important.  His desire/ability to drop a couple k on a suit? Not so much. Let’s have some solid priorities.

4. You have easy friends.

Birds of a feather flock together, so you should have a no-bird policy in your inner circle. Chicks that give up the goods quickly on the regular are not generally good folks to hang around all the time. Have some standards for relationships of all kinds, including friendships. Moral character matters.


5. You have a black men only policy.

Okay, real talk. Black men are beautiful (See Exhibit A), but they are not the only beautiful men on earth believe it or not. Masculine gorgeousness comes in all shades, baby–as does respect, loyalty, love and strong character. Why restrict yourself if there is no need to do that? If you have a preference for black men and you have committed yourself to black men only, that’s fine as long as you understand that you are greatly restricting your dating pool.   To check off so many available and solid men based on skin color alone while complaining about being single is just plain silly.

6. You don’t know how to just shut up sometimes.

Self explanatory. I am leading by example here.

7. You follow advice from your basic girlfriends.
I am not one of those people who believes that you have to have a man in order to give good relationship or dating advice. There are a lot of reasons why a person could be single. However, following advice from the girlfriend who never seems to get it right in the relationship department is not the biz. Stop. Listening. To. Her.


8. You have unresolved daddy issues.

Any daddy issue like not knowing your dad,  being abandoned by your dad, having to take care of your dad or having a dad who is an addict of any kind, has a big impact on what you seek and expect from men. It’s much easier said than done, but don’t put the daddy burden on the dude at the bar.



9. You actually pay attention to those stupid stats.

It’s kind of died down now, but for a while there, you couldn’t read a newspaper (online) or turn on the news without being assaulted with a new batch of sad statistics about single black women. As the saying goes, figures don’t lie, but liars figure. Those stats about the percentage of “available” black men and the marriage rates and all that crap really have no impact on whether or not you should stay in the house and sulk or get dressed, get out there and be open to meeting new people and having a good time.  That “woe is me” attitude is for the birds…the birds that you should no longer be hanging around with anyway.


10. You want Barack, but you are not Michelle.

As far as character, ethics, morals and all that good stuff–you and your mate should be neck and neck. How can you ask for a man with a washboard stomach (implying a serious gym commitment) and a good work/life balance if your exercise bike is essentially an overpriced panty catcher and your personal life has been completely swallowed up by work? Have something more than material things or social accomplishments to bring to the table.


Did you see yourself a little bit in any of these reasons?

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