Why Men Can't Get Serious Before Thirty-Something

The title of this article may be terrifying to young girls who are blissfully in love with men who are carefree 20-somethings—you swear the breath will be pulled from your lungs if he leaves you. But 1) you’d survive without him and B) sorry, but you’re probably in for a roller coaster ride if you try to get serious with a guy younger than thirty-something. Here’s why.

They were in a relationship all throughout college

They went to college so excited to nab a cool, edgy, intellectual girlfriend (maybe that’s even you!) that they got locked down with said girl and became her (for lack of a better word) b***h for four years. Their friends convinced them to break it off at the end of college, and now they feel like bustin’ loose for a few years.

Now they need to shake it off

They’re free! Hurray! But now they want to sleep with, like, literally anything and everything. They won’t be tied down again for a long time—they feel like a caged bird set free.

Or they were never in a relationship because they wanted to have fun in college

Then, of course, you also have the guys who went to college wanting to sleep with anything and everything. And they did. They conquered that world. They were the guys everyone wanted on campus. They felt like celebrities.

And now real world women are “too serious”

They’re having a hard time adjusting to the fact that women at the bar don’t care what their nickname was at the frat house. Real women freak them out so, of course, they just deem them “too serious” or “crazy.”

They need money

They get over being terrified of and pretending to be stumped by real world women. But now they realize that dating is expensive! So they take a hiatus to save up a little to afford date nights.

But women their age are dating older, wealthier guys

When they think they have enough to start asking women out, they realize that women their age are dating guys in their mid to late thirties rolling in dough, and they can’t possibly compete with such high-income brackets just yet.

And that will make them bitter

Again, they become embittered towards women. The few they asked out were seeing other, older, richer guys and they assume all women their age are like that. They retreat.

They need to figure out what they want to do

Maybe they come back out of their shell to date, but then they realize one very important thing: they have no idea what they actually want to do in life. It turns out their sterile 9-to-5 job won’t make them happy forever. And that’s terrifying.

They need to figure out how to do it

They don’t feel like they’re allowed to enjoy dating until they know what their path is, and have a set plan—like a 10-year plan. They’re too focused and “ambitious” to date.

They realize that they’ll always want more

And then, of course, they learn that in life, you’ll always want more. Nothing will ever feel like enough. So it’s time to make time for love!

Then there’s the whole rebellion thing

So they start seriously dating and JUST when they really start to like someone, their 28-year-old friend gets married. Now they’re annoyed and feel like any woman they date will want to get married. So they emphasize, with everyone they meet, that they’re “not ready to be serious,” which sounds douchey and pushes women away.

They don’t care that their parents pressure them

They get especially annoyed by the fact that their parents are saying, “Your friends are married, so why aren’t you?” So to rebel even more, they start dating 19-year-olds or 50-year-old divorcees. They basically date anyone who is not marriage material just to piss off their parents and escape reality.

Eventually, they realize that they’re not that important

Reality check: many men go through this crisis. Their life is not a sitcom or a Judd Apatow film. All eyes are not really on them as they thought. So they can start making decisions based on what makes them happy and not based on living up to (or not living up to) other people’s ideas.

But hey, you don’t want them before 30 anyways

And after reading about this roller coaster that men go through from about 22 to 30, you’ve probably realized that you don’t want to date them before 30 anyways.