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When you ask us these questions, you’re not just asking a question, you’re setting the tone for the entire evening. So as a heads up fellas, here are 14 questions that make us mad, including the infamous, “are you mad?”

“Are you mad?”

If she is mad, she’s furious that you aren’t capable of figuring that out yourself. And if she isn’t mad, now she is mad that you’re implying she is acting like a b*tch.

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“Are you in a bad mood?”

Maybe you’re not asking if she’s angry directly with you, but if she is just generally in a bad mood that day. Now she can’t just be in her bad mood: she has to feel self-conscious about it, or prove to you she isn’t in a bad mood.

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“Don’t you want to see your friends?”

“Oh, you mean, ‘Hey can I have some time to myself please? Can’t your friends take you off my hands for a while?’ Jerk!”

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“Did you lose weight?”

“Are you implying I needed to? And, oh great, now I’ll feel so nervous about keeping the weight off that I didn’t even know I’d lost!”

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“How many men have you slept with?”

A woman usually feels like the only reason you would ask that is because you either assume she has slept with a lot of men, or because you assume she has barely slept with anyone and that’s why she’s bad in bed.

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“Are you projecting?”

Oh come on: nobody every admits that they’re projecting. If you suspect that, when she’s mad about one dirty dish, that what she’s really mad about is not getting a promotion when, she’s going to go out of her way to prove how mad she is about the dish all night.

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“Is this something an ex did?”

Hey, maybe she is freaking out over something small because it reminds her of an ex. But you belittle her reactions by asking this.

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“Shouldn’t you try to get along with your mom?”

You make your partner feel like a total teenager when you say this. She feels like you haven’t been listening to anything she’s said about her mom, and that you just think she’s being immature.

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“Is it okay if we have sex tomorrow instead?”

Okay, we get it: you’re tired and you didn’t want to get her hopes up. You wanted her to know, before you began cuddling, that sex wouldn’t happen tonight. But…just never ask that question. Fall asleep, fart—do something else to put off sex.

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“Do you want to have sex?”

On the flip side if you do want to have sex, just start kissing her and seducing her. Don’t ask this question. It’s such an awkward transition into the act.

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“Wouldn’t it be nice to eat at home instead?”

“Oh you mean wouldn’t it be nice if I slaved away over the stove for an hour while you watch TV?”

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“Did you feel like you and my mom got along?”

The only thing your girlfriend wants to hear is, “My mom loved you!” If you have any questions about the encounter, your girlfriend assumes your mom hated her.

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“Do I have to go?”

To her friend’s birthday party, to her office party, to her parent’s house etc…Don’t ask, “Do I have to go?” because you make her feel like your mother. Obviously she has no choice but to say, “No, you don’t have to” because now she knows you don’t want to.

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“Can you really sleep while cuddling?”

“Translation: you want me to roll away from you because you cant sleep. Jerk!”