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First you were at it like jackrabbits and now you’re counting how many days a week you’ve done it. It happens in every long-term relationship — but is it always because you wear a bonnet to bed?
Getting back to bumping and grinding like you did in the beginning can be as easy as tackling these surprising reasons why couples stop having sex.
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The Same Old Moves
Even great movies get old after a while.
If the thought of heading to bed isn’t thrilling anymore, it might be time to stop playing reruns.
How do you get excited about the sheets again? Visit a toy shop, buy 50 Shades of Grey or just talk to each other about tricks you’ve always wanted to try.
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Testosterone
Did you know that men experience a drop in testosterone when they’re in longterm relationships?
This biological trick is designed to make them better family men, but it can take away some of their fire in the bedroom too.
But in most cases there’s no need to visit a doctor. Just having more sex can boost testosterone levels in both partners.
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Your Bed Isn’t Sexy Anymore
When you were just dating, heading back to the bedroom always meant business time. Now that TV, phones and tablets are a regular part of your longterm-relationship routine, the bed has lost some of it’s magic.
How can you get it back? Kick the electronics out and make the bed a place for only two things: sex and sleep.
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Less Foreplay
Oprah says that for women, foreplay starts in the morning when a man empties the dishwasher. But after the dating period is over, men can drop the ball on warming women up.
Remind him how sexy you find the little things by “rewarding him” after he does something you love.
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The Thrill Is Gone
Sex before marriage always has an element of risk because you’re both free agents — at least technically.
After marriage, things can feel so comfortable that it takes some of the sex drive with it. A few nights away from eachother — and even a little “flirting with a stranger” role play can re-ignite the spark that’s gone missing.
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No, No, No, No, No
When it comes to sex, “no’s” can build up. Being rejected sexually is never fun for any partner. And temporary “no thank you’s” can leave one or both partners feeling too worried about getting their feelings hurt to try again.
An overture from the partner who’s been to busy to be in the mood might be what both partners need to get things going again.
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Cheating
Is Todd stepping out on Kandi? Probably not. But if there’s a desert in the bedroom and he’s working late most nights, this isn’t one that you can cross off of your “possibilities” list.
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Pregnancy
Some men have trouble transitioning from “mother of my child” to “freak in the sheets.” The best way to re-start a fire after a baby is to get some time out of the house.
Hire a babysitter, hole up in a hotel room and re-start the fire that brought all those babies in the first place.
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Birth Control
You started taking the pills because you were going at it like rabbits. But now that you’re on it, your urge has gone out of the window.
Why? Birth control can lower your testosterone, drying up your urge to procreate as well as your ability.
If you think the pills are responsible, ask your doctor about birth control methods that won’t mess with your hormones.
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Resentment
Unresolved issues can keep your sex life on lockdown. If talking things out isn’t working, it might be time to open up to a professional about the anger that’s blocking out all the love.
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The Bonnet
If you’re in a rut, “taking off the bonnet” might help you get out of it. Men are visual creatures. And sometimes a little visual stimulation from Victoria Secret is all he needs.
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Tell Him To Take Off His
Men are quick to point the finger at over-sized t-shirts and bonnets, but they can get too comfortable too.
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Scheduling
It’s easier to make a date with your new boo than it is with your longtime love. Want to stop taking the spark for granted? Schedule a few date nights into your month, complete with candles, new outfits and all the effort you put in when you were both just dating.
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The Time
Relationships naturally ebb and flow and so do sex drives. Unless one of you is unhappy, it’s not terrible to sit back and wait for things to get swinging again.
