8 Things Men Say Just To Impress Their Friends

February 11, 2015  |  
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Anybody who tells you men no longer feel pressure to have a devil-may-care attitude is delusional. Here’s proof: they say things like this to impress their friends.

“I don’t like that vegan crap”

At a restaurant on a double date, your guy orders the bottomless ribs or the triple jalapeno cheeseburger. He and his buddy tease you and the other woman for ordering salads. But what happens at home…

Peptobismol Please

Of course for the rest of the week he asks, “Babyyyyy can you make me something healthy? Those ribs did a number on me. I like your healthy cooking. PS don’t use the downstairs bathroom.”

“Don’t get too tired because we’re banging tonight”

In front of his friends at a party he catches you yawning and makes some funny remark like, “Somebody get her an espresso because I’m getting some tonight.” Hardy har har. Fast forward to bedtime…

He’s passed out

And of course you perk yourself up, you get in bed, and he passes out. Oh and he wants to be spooned too.

“We’re not becoming one of those boring couples”

Your man scoffs at couples who spend Sundays at Target or the Farmer’s Market. He tells you, in front of his friends, “You’re never getting me to go to the Farmer’s Market on a Sunday. No thank you.” Cut to Sunday…

 

 

 

He needs to run errands

Oh, well look who needs to go buy bath mats because he can’t stand the old ones. Look who is not downing pitchers of beer at a sports bar. Look who wants a blueberry crepe.

 

“Turn Up!”

Around each other, men refuse to show drinking weakness. They never admit defeat. They chug from whiskey bottles. Oh and they eat five hot dogs at the same time. They talk about doing it all again tomorrow. Go to tomorrow…

Somebody needs his mommy

He’s curled up, asking you to get him Gatorade and watch Netflix in bed with him and, “Never let me drink like that again.”

“I just want to make that money”

Men aren’t allowed to admit to their friends that they’re feeling creatively stifled or worrying that they wont reach their dreams. They talk about how happy they are to just be making lots of money and paying those bills.

 

 

 

 

 

He shares his secrets with you

With you, at home, he admits feeling disappointed in himself, feeling worried that he won’t fulfill his potential, feeling frustrated that his day job is keeping him from pursuing his dreams and so on.

“I have to get back to my wifey”

He moans and groans about how you’re asking him when he’ll get home, and how you’re telling him you miss him so much. He doesn’t want to leave the party but he has to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But he wants to get back to wifey

Secretly, he wants to be at home cuddling you. He’s hoping you ask him when he’ll get back so he has an excuse to leave.

 

 

 

 

“We get pretty weird in bed sometimes”

So weird he can’t even tell his friends what happened. He just starts grinning at the thought of it and shaking his head.

 

Yeah, you wish!

Women are usually more comfortable communicating in bed and asking for things. If things ever get weird it’s because you bring it up.

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