A lot has changed since our mothers and grandmothers were dating, getting married and settling down. Women have more education, better paying jobs and more general options when it comes to how they’ll live their lives. In this new era some of us are taking a more “progressive” route, creating our own rules and doing away with the traditions. Some of us are holding fast to the lessons from the earlier generations; and still others, are blending the traditions of yester year with our own new age tactics. Consider some of these traditional gender roles and “responsibilities” and see if you agree or disagree with them.
1. Waiting for Him to Ask You Out
Some of us absolutely cannot fathom asking a man out, even if we like him and are getting signs that he might like us too. Our mothers have told us we’ll look desperate or too forward if we initiate any type of dating situation. But if you’ve been in the game for a bit you might have noticed that some men are a little slow when it comes to asking and might let opportunities pass them by completely. It isn’t until later that you find out they were jones-in’ and didn’t say anything. You have to ask yourself do you want a man who’d let the opportunity to be in your presence slip through his fingers? Or can you save him from himself and just ask the question?
2. Letting Him Call First
So that first date has happened, you had a great time. You think he did too and you’re waiting for him to follow up. Or are you? You might be the type of woman who doesn’t let the burden rest on the man after the first date. You’ll call and keep it honest, letting him know you had a great time and you’d like to do it again. The ball is in his court after that.
3. Waiting for Him to Propose
So you and the boo have been dating for some years now. You’ve talked about marriage, you agree it’s something you both want… with each other. You’re ready to take that plunge he just hasn’t asked yet. You’re ballin’ with a little money in the bank so you go out and buy him a ring and pop the question. Is this scenario in the realm of possibility for you or did you cringe as you read this?
4. Taking his last name
Women in the entertainment industry have often skipped taking the last name of their husbands, for many of them it was merely about business. But increasingly we’re seeing regular, every day women keeping their last names, hyphenating their last name with their husband’s or in other cases, the husband takes her surname. Yes it happens. Do you think it’s time we revisit this custom? Do you have a special attachment to your surname or do you think if you’re marrying a man, you should be proud to take his last name?
5. Will You Vow to Obey Him?
I was speaking to a male co-worker the other day about marriage and he asked what I thought about the word “obey”? Initially it left a bitter taste in my mouth and I really had to think about how I felt about the word. Because obey conjures up images of an animal to be trained or a child to be reared not what I’d envision as a relationship with my husband. But is it wrong to obey someone who you love and trust has your best interest at heart?
6. Presenting Mr. and Mrs…
Are you one of those girls (women) who’ll want to be introduced under your husband’s name? Or does this thought make you feel like you’re losing a piece of your identity? Do you mind that you and your husband are now being introduced as one entity?
7. Fixing His Plate
If this is not a custom you practice yourself, you’ve probably noticed the female component in a pair diligently preparing her man’s plate while he sits, awaiting his meal. This tradition can be witnessed at family gatherings, picnics, barbeques or any other event where food is served. I noticed this with my own parents from a very young age. I can’t say I was against it perse but it’s something I definitely noticed and wondered if I would duplicate it in my own relationships. Should a man be served dinner, if he works hard all day or is he grown enough to prepare his own plate? If I decide to kick back at the gathering would he get irritated waiting for me? Or an even better question, would he hesitant bringing me a plate?
8. Submit to Your Husband
If you once were/ still are amongst the church-going, Bible reading group, you can’t avoid the “wives submit to your husbands” verse. Submit? Is this concept better or worse than “obey”? The word submit acknowledges and accepts your husband’s superiority over you. Do you agree he’s a superior force in your household? Funny thing is while many a man knows the wives submit to your husbands part they stop there, failing to quote the very next verse, “… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Would you be more willing to accept the idea of submission if your man was down for giving himself up (dying) for you?
We’d love to hear what you think about these…weigh in!
