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When you’re finally alone and the bra comes off. These are the things black women do when no one’s watching.
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Pick
At blemishes, at ingrown hairs, at that one chin hair that’s six inches long for some reason. If we’re alone in a room with a mirror and tweezers it’s probably better to knock first.
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Chow. Down.
Pretend you don’t want that other slice of pizza while he’s there. Finish the pie when he’s gone.
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Eat Fried Chicken, Watermelon And/Or Grape Soda
Lil’ Wayne ate one slice of watermelon and ended up on the news.
Until racists are ready to admit that everyone loves chicken and watermelon we’d rather eat this at home than end up on some racist’s Instagram page.
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Work It Out
Women’s Instagram pages are full of photos that look like “I woke up like this” but the behind the scenes photos are more like “I work out like this.”
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Turn On The Most Ratchet Song On The Radio
We’d never let your co-workers know that you know all the words to Panoramic, but that doesn’t mean we don’t. And speaking of workouts, they’re always the best songs to go hard to.
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Bust A Move
There’s also no need to tell anyone at work that you may have outgrown the club but you still drop it like it’s hot along with a video every now and again or bust out The Carlton when a corny radio song comes on.
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Sing
As soon as the car door closes and the radio turns on because you sound amazing — as long as you don’t turn the volume down.
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Watch… Not Safe For Work Videos
And in honor of those ladies who keep it quiet, we’ll keep moving to the next slide.
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Social Media Stalk Everyone
Speaking of things everyone does but no one talks about…
Your ex thinks he’s special, but you also occassionally snoop in on the three exes before him, the girl you’ve been low-key jealous of since high school and that one girl who keeps liking all of your boyfriend’s Facebook photos.
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Check Out Other Women
If only they had a word for the combination of admiration, jealousy and a touch of shade that women feel when checking out other women. Oh wait, they do. It’s called #WCW.
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Let It Go
Men know we’re only pretending that we’ve never had gas, right?
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Scratch Stuff
Men aren’t the only ones who need to itch and adjust. We just have the common decency not to do it in public.
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Obsess In The Mirror
For so long.
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Ignore Calls
Because you’re enjoying the alone time too much. And then pretending your phone malfunctioned so no one’s feelings get hurt.
