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Whether you like it or not, you’ve let your parents affect how you go about relationships. Their romantic relationships serve as models for us—either for what to do or what not to do—and their support or criticisms of us seep into our psyche and out into our love lives! Here are 8 ways you don’t realize your parents have messed with your love life.
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They told you you’re the best
Every time you didn’t get first place in a contest, they told you it was rigged or the judges were biased. Every time a boy liked your friend instead of you, they told you it was because her parents were rich or she was, um, more promiscuous than you. But never, ever did they tell you maybe you just weren’t good enough or the right person that time.
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So you take no responsibility
When a relationship doesn’t work out, you’ve learned to think of all the reasons it’s the other person’s fault. You never ask yourself what you could have done differently.
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They always worried about money
They either always first ask how much money a job pays before they ask if you love it, or they’ve just kept a very close eye on how much money you make your whole life. They’ve been more concerned with your financial gains than any other type of gain.
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So you date rich guys
You seek out guys you think will impress your parents, and guys with bank accounts so stuffed your parents can’t possibly worry about you anymore.
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They hid their arguments
They never, ever argued in front of you, and you slowly saw their relationship fall apart, or the two just fell out of love.
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So you want to hash everything out
You go overboard and force your own partners to address issues head on, the moment they come up, even if your partner wants a cool down period.
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They hinted that you should lose weight/dress better
They were always making little comments about how you should “join an after school sports team” or “go shopping with your cute friend Kelly sometimes.” Your mom was over your shoulder any time you got dressed for a school dance or a date.
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So you date unattractive guys
To spite your parents for making you feel insecure about appearances, you purposefully rule out any guy who is attractive and seek out guys who are, well, not attractive.
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One of them didn’t work
One of your parents quit their career path to stay home and be a parent, and you think that was bad for your parent’s relationship—that eventually they ran out of things to talk about because they couldn’t relate to each other.
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So you insist on working very hard
Whenever your partner just suggests you take a week off work to go on a trip, you make excuses not to. You get extremely insecure if you’re out of work even for just a few weeks, thinking your partner will get bored of you. You can never just relax or take a break.
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They were each other’s social life
Your parents only hung out with one another, and you saw that they had nobody to turn to when they got into an argument, or even nobody to hang out with when the other went out of town.
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So you keep an overly active social life
You go out of your way to see your friends several times a week, even when you’re exhausted and it’s a strain on your schedule.
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One of them had an affair
One of your parents had an affair, which was the demise of any normal family life you once had.
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So you’re really hard on cheaters
If a guy you date tells you he cheated even once on a girlfriend five years ago, you walk out on the date.
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They fought in front of you all the time
And as a child that was very scary to be around. You’d go hide in your room, and avoid eye contact or conversation with anyone for hours after. You always feared when they fought that they’d get a divorce.
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You shut down in an argument
You freeze up in arguments in your own relationships. The moment your partner brings up an issue you give him the silent treatment, or go sleep at a friend’s house. You avoid, avoid, avoid. That old fear that fighting leads to a breakup comes back up.
