ATTENTION: The Department for Protecting Women’s Good Names (TDPWGN), is seeking perpetrators who constantly shame the image of all the good women in the world. Do you or someone you know fit any of these descriptions we’ve provided after the jump? If so, please turn yourself in, using the ‘Comments’ section.
Sincerely,
Management
Mademoiselle Needy
Signature Quote: “When are you coming back? Why don’t you want a relationship? Why don’t you want a relationship with me?”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Cries after the first date, shares too much about her pooch that died, and wants to get married by a certain deadline
Mademoiselle Greedy
Love MadameNoire? Get more! Join the MadameNoire Newsletter
We care about your data. See our privacy policy.
Signature Quote: “You bought me a diamond? Awww thank you! Oh, it’s only five karat? But, baby, I said the 10-karat one!”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Will sell her soul if it’ll get her a designer bag and three new pairs of shoes
Mademoiselle Crazy
Signature Quote: “Who is Shanika Quentin and why did she write “hello” on your Facebook wall at 10:45pm last night?”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Actually knows very well who Shanika Quentin is, since she stalked Shanika’s apartment from 10:46pm until the next morning (when Shanika found scratches on her car on her way to work)
Mademoiselle Self-Centered
Signature Quote: “You lost your job? How the hell are you going to support me then?”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Stays well-fed when everyone else is hungry, considers her child with a good man “hers,” and with a trifling man, “leverage”
Mademoiselle Dense
Signature Quote: “Baby, I missed you these past nine days while you were working late in President George Washington’s office!”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Dumb as hell
Mademoiselle T.M.I.
Signature Quote: “O.M.G., so before I met you, I had a boil in my ear that oozed with puss”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Has no idea when to end a story; can’t take hints for her to stop; thinks that most times, she’s being laughed with, not laughed at
Mademoiselle Rough-Around-the-Edges
Signature Quote: “$@!*^% #$^&%!! $%&&%$@@!#((&%$#…and pretty much everything Nene Leakes says”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Will embarrass you anywhere – even in the hood
Mademoiselle Unfaithful
Signature Quote: “I’m sorry, but you weren’t around”
Dead Giveaway Traits: Will sleep with your best friend, has slept with your best friend, is sleeping with your best friend
Mademoiselle Trifling
Signature Quote: “I’m not giving you sex, till you make more money”
Dead Giveaway Traits: A combination of all the other women (Needy, Greedy, Crazy, Self-Centered, Dense, T.M.I., Rough-Around-the-Edges, and Unfaithful) listed herein
