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To be 30, single and black…and a woman. The older women get, the more our single status is considered a spinster curse by those on the outside looking in. People automatically begin making assumptions about our lives and conjure up their own guesses as to why we’re single. Some are sympathetic, others simply nosy to know why we haven’t tied the knot or why we’ve been un-hitched for so long.

Single black women are misunderstood by most and misconceptions run prevalent out of spectators’ mouths. Here are just a few of those ludicrous misconceptions.


We spend our nights eating ice cream and watching chick flicks

Although there are some women who eat away their single girl blues and spend nights watching cheesy romantic comedies or reality television, this is not all of us. Single girls do many of the same things women in relationships do, just minus a man. Don’t believe the hype. When nighttime comes we’re not dipping spoons in Gelato while watching Love and Hip Hop–well, at least not every night.


We want to be ‘hooked-up’

While the gesture is nice, every single woman doesn’t want to be introduced to your cousin’s friend’s roommate. We don’t want the little nice lady at church trying to arrange a meeting with her son who just got out of  a relationship. Blind dates are not the answer to our prayers. This isn’t to say we won’t accept a ‘hook-up’ every now and then, but it’s not something that we’re always open to or even excited about.

We are always actively looking for a man

Every single woman is not broadcasting that she is single and taking applications. Some of us are simply going with the flow. When it happens, it will happen. Some people believe that we choose our places to go based on the caliber of men we think will be there. My life does not revolve around looking for a man and I’m sure many other single women can agree.


It’s awkward for us to be around couples

Let’s face it, no one prefers to be the only single person in a crowd of couples. While it’s not necessarily something we love, it doesn’t mean that we are uncomfortable in that kind of environment. What’s even worse is when a a couple shows you extra attention simply so you won’t feel like an outcast. Single women are not looking for sympathy.

We are all crazy

While I have questioned my sanity a time or two (joking! kind of…), most single women are not crazy simply because they’re single. It’s disrespectful to assume that a woman has emotional issues or is unstable because she doesn’t have a man, or in some cases, doesn’t find herself in long-term relationships. It gets under my skin when a man tries to diagnose why I’m single by saying, ‘You’re so pretty and successful…you must be crazy.”

Our standards are too high

Every single woman does not have a Chilli checklist. I repeat, every single woman DOES NOT have a Chilli checklist.

If you are considered successful, educated and get at least a few ‘hollas’ a day, some people automatically assume you have an uncompromising checklist preventing you from finding the right man. Every woman, single or in a relationship, should have some standards, and being single for longer than what most consider an appropriate time doesn’t mean that we should lower them to get a man.

We want to be single

Okay, this misconception may seem to go against everything that I’ve said,  but there are a few people out there who believe that some single women choose to be that way. And this can be the case for some, but not all. While we may be okay living the single life, it doesn’t mean that we all prefer being without a man and like to say, “I can do bad all by myself!” Some assume that a handful of single women are enjoying the single life way too much and aren’t ready for commitment. This isn’t always the case.

Single automatically equals lonely

Being single doesn’t mean that we are lonely, crying ourselves to sleep at night. Single is not synonymous with lonely. It’s as if people forget that single women also have friends and family to talk to and hang out with. Everything does not revolve around a man.

Single women are male bashers

Contrary to popular belief, my single girlfriends and I don’t spend all of our conversations bashing men–maybe some, but not all.
I don’t think every man is a dog. I don’t hate men or believe that every relationship is doomed for failure. Being single has not tainted my image of relationships.

We fear commitment

Single men aren’t the only ones who get a bad rep when it comes to commitment.  Some people may chalk up your single status to fear: fear of being hurt, fear of commitment, etc. But really, there are single women are open to love and not fearful of giving their heart away when the right man comes along.


You’re Ms. Too Independent

While most of my single friends and I are heavily engrossed in our careers and take care of ourselves, it doesn’t mean that we have a don’t-need-a-man mentality. Some people are intimidated by a woman’s success and automatically assume that it’s standing in the way of her finding love. This can be the case for some women who are accustomed to taking care of themselves for so long, but it’s not the situation for every single gal.

We hate weddings

While I don’t see myself walking down the aisle anytime soon, I love to see others confess their love before God, family and friends. For some reason, some people believe that weddings make single women emotional in the wrong way. All single women do not detest weddings or even watch with envy.


We take dates too seriously

When I go out on a date, I can’t help but wonder if I could see myself dating the person for a while. However, I don’t have dreams of us walking down the aisle, or make demands during our first few dates. Sometimes dates are just that. And because a woman is single, it does’t automatically mean that when she accepts a date, she’s ready to be someone’s girl and pop out their baby. It’s just a date. We get it.

It’s been years since I’ve been in an ‘official’ committed relationship. I’ve dated but it’s been a while since I’ve introduced someone as my man and was introduced as his girl. Some days I wonder how long my drought will last, but it’s not something that consumes me.

I’ve had many opportunities to be in relationships but chose to remain single because the person or the timing wasn’t right. Just like me, many single women are happily living their lives without a man. That doesn’t mean that we don’t see ourselves in relationships sooner than later, but it sure doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with us either. Get it? Got it? Good.

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