Signs You’re In Need Of Some “Physical Loving” - Page 14

Whether you’ve taken a vow of celibacy or are experiencing a dry spell, going without sex –especially when you’ve been having it consistently it for a while — can start to affect your personality and the lives of those around you. Here are a few circumstances that suggest you may need to get back on the horse and ride again…Pun intended!

Buying toys has become an expense

Some experts say self-satisfaction by using toys is very healthy, but when this becomes a habit then we’re in new territory. I had a friend that once spent over $300 on toys and that was in just one visit. I’m not one to step between a girl and her toys, but when you start borrowing money to replace overused toys it’s time to re-think the lack of person-to-person sex in you’re life.

Your internet browser is full of adult sites

You gotta have something to get you going after buying those toys, huh? Well spending hours on your computer sifting through pages of adult content isn’t the healthiest habit. Sure it’s better than catching something from a random partner — don’t do that ladies — but when you get eye strain and migraines from staring at the computer screen for too long, its probably time to lay off and get laid.

You start to think everything has sexual undertones

When everything from receiving an email from your boss asking that you come in his office for a meeting to the cashier asking if you want paper or plastic seems like a come on, it’s time to get back in the game. 

You devour other peoples sex stories

You wait patiently for your bff to call you and tell you about how great her night was with the new guy she met at the grocery store. Better yet, you can’t wait any longer so you call her instead and she tells you she’s still on the date and you get frustrated. Girl quit playing and go to the grocery store and see if you can meet someone and get first-hand knowledge of a good night.

You’ve become too tense

Your computer is not the enemy, nor is the courier who delivers the packages or anybody else for that matter. You are experiencing what is known as “sexual frustration.” Your hormones are in need of an outlet. You can try yoga (preferably not bikram) or you can exercise( bike riding may do the trick) or you can just have sex. 

Wet dreams are becoming normal

The dreams you’ve been having about Omari Hardwick and Idris Elba are starting to become everyday occurrences. You begin to prep yourself before bed hoping tonight’s dream is steamier than last nights. And you lock your dog in the bathroom so he doesn’t disturb your sleep. It’s not a terrible thing, but it is kind of funny.

You can’t remember your last time

You’ve just watched a marathon of romantic movies, rewinding all the love scenes, especially the one from Love Jones and Jason’s Lyric. When you begin to think about your own experiences and you can’t pinpoint the last time you did it, it’s probably been too long. And it’s probably because you have been at the computer or in front of the TV for too long.

You become paranoid

You stand in front of the mirror and began to doubt your sexiness. Could it be the “whiskers’ sprouting from your chin? or the new mole that came to life on your collarbone? It’s probably none of these things- you should pluck those whiskers though- that is the cause of the lack of sex in your life. You, and your new mole, are fine.

You’ve stopped grooming

You’re frequent trips to the drugstore to get all your grooming products have become infrequent. You noticed a hair under you arm, and in other places, and but ignored it and now its become a bush you’ve gotten used to. Grooming shouldn’t only be done because someone else is going to see it, do it for yourself. Also, you never know what may transpire if you do happen to meet someone.

You have a stock pile of birth control that isn’t being used

You keep refilling those prescriptions knowing you aren’t going to use them  and your closet is starting to look like a pharmacy. Next time you pass the condom bowl at your doctor’s office be real with yourself and keep walking. The hundreds of condoms you’ve accumulated will be more than enough in case you ever need just one.

You sit too close to someone in a public place

You haven’t experienced the sensation of a warm body in a long time. This becomes apparent when you sit next to a perfect stranger on the subway and instead of allowing a bit of space you decide to close the gap and bask in the joys of human touch. I’m pretty sure this is kind of creepy, especially if the other person is unaware of what you are doing.

You’re putting on weight

If at one point sex was your only physical activity, nine times out of ten your going to put on weight.  Those love handles aren’t being made from lovemaking, so hit the gym and you might meet someone that’ll make it worth your time. You can get some good exercise and something else if you play your cards right. 

Your protection have expired

Most condoms have at least a two-year lifespan, so if yours are expiring you are way past the need for a good round in the sheets. If the condom you have in your wallet has made an imprint on the leather then don’t bother looking at the expiration day just throw that sucker out and re-up. 

You’ve run out of things to watch on Netflix

Though there are thousands, if not millions, of movies and TV shows on Netflix you happened to clear your que and run out of meaningful stuff to watch. This is a clear indication that you need to get out of the house and get some action. If your not ready for the “action” part, at least get out of the house before you have to hire a personal nurse to tend to your bed sores.