Too Soon, Don’t Do It: 14 Signs You’re Not Ready For Kids - Page 3

Let me start this post off by saying that there will never be a “perfect time” for anything.  No matter what you want to do, there will always be at least one wrinkle in the fabric of life that you can’t iron out.  With that as well, I know that you’re not perfect, and life is all about trying to do better.

So, with that, if you’re contemplating having a child, self-reflection is a good thing to do.   Now we all know the material things that we should have together before having a child (like a job, a place to stay and the such).  I want to discuss mental and emotional well-being.

We all have our rough edges. Trying to make sure that they’re as smooth as possible before having kids is a good thing to do.  So if you see these rough edges in your life, try to smooth them out before you throw a kid in the mix.

You Want Someone to “Love” You

I’ve said it before and I think it’s something to be reiterated.  When you have a baby, during those first two years, loving you is the furthest thing from that child’s mind.

An infant is motivated by their needs (eating, being changed, sleeping), and loving you is not one of those needs.

Learn how to love yourself before you expect anyone else to do that for you.

You Want to Feel Needed

Now everyone wants to feel like they matter, and I’m not getting down on you for that.  The problem comes in when that’s your only reason for having a child. That type of mindset is very selfish on your part.  It signifies that you want someone to meet your needs, but will you be able to meet the needs of your child?

Your Boyfriend is Pressuring you

If the only reason that you’re thinking about having a child is because your significant other (who you’re not even married to) is trying to pressure you into having a child, then reevaluate that relationship.

Now I’m not saying that you can’t have a baby outside of the confines of marriage,  but there’s something not right about a man who’s trying to pressure you into having a child, but won’t make a commitment to you.

You’re Too much of a People Pleaser

When you become a parent, you are going to get so much unsolicited advice thrown at you on how you should raise your child.  The issue is, it will stress you out trying to follow everyone else’s ideas on how to parent.

Parenting is already stressful enough, and trying to please other people is only going to stress you out more.

You Hold on to Grudges

If you do anything 21 times in a row, it becomes a habit.  So if you have had years of practice in holding grudges, that’s going to continue even when you have children.

Kids are going to do things that are going to make you upset, and then conveniently forget them a few minutes later.  If you struggle to let things go now, it’ll still be a struggle with your kids.  So try to learn how to let things go a little better before your kids come and undoubtedly upset you.

You’re Still Very Selfish

Before you have kids is the time to be selfish, and that’s okay.  You have to enjoy your time how you want to, because once a kid comes into play, certain things that you want are secondary.  So if you’re selfish, enjoy it now.

You Refuse to be Culpable for your Mistakes

The hardest thing to swallow is a mistake that someone calls you out on.  Some create a habit of making excuses to release themselves from their faults.  The problem is, if you do that now for yourself, you’ll do it for your kids and kids need to learn to have accountability.  If not, your child will undoubtedly stay in trouble, because they’ll learn that their actions don’t have consequences because they’ll put everything back on you.

Learn how to take responsibility so when you have children they’ll learn how to make better decisions in their own lives.

You Hate Repeating Yourself

I get tired of saying:  “take your shoes off the couch,” “stop throwing your toys on the floor,” “pick up your blanket,” and “stop yelling!”  But the truth of the matter is, it comes with the parenting territory.  Children will tune you out.  Imagine that you’re yelling at a tree to stop being tall, it’s gonna keep on being tall (and the disrespectful ones are just gonna keep on growing… the jerks).

That’s how children can be.  They will do whatever they want, and you will feel as though you have perpetual deja vu.  It’s just something that you have to deal with until your children learns to do better.

So if this is something that makes you want to blow your top, try to work on that.

You have Anger Issues

Children will test your patience.  Sometimes they don’t know what they’re doing, and other times they do.  It’s an incredibly frustrating road to go down, and if your answer to frustration is to lash out, definitely get help for that before having kids.  Either anger management, learning how to meditate, breathing exercises, something, because no matter how frustrating your child can be, abusing them is never the answer.

You Hold Things In

We already know that holding things in can be detrimental.  Learn how to find a good, healthy way to blow off some steam before you have children and they become your exploding outlet.

You’re Not in a Real Relationship with the Father

Erica Jean and Saigon… do I really need to say more?  *No offense to them, but no one seems to benefit from that lack of a relationship, especially their son.

You’re Succumbing to Societal Pressures

I love my grandmother but if I listened to her, I would have a litter of children by now and I wouldn’t have anyone to blame but myself.

People are going to tell you what you should do by a certain age, and for women, we get the whole:  “When are you going to have kids?” (or “more kids,” if you’re like me) question thrown at you.

Just know that if you’re listening to those people, or feel pressure to have a child because you believe that society says you should have one by a certain age, you’re wrong. Those people aren’t going to be there to help you raise your child.  Don’t let anyone talk you into a life change because they think this is where you should be in your life.

You have a Problems asking for Help

Whether you believe that African proverb that “it takes a village,” or not, you will undoubtedly need help.  I know that it can feel degrading to ask, and to admit, but it’s something you’ll need it.  If you feel like you’re burning out, get help, because it doesn’t just benefit you, it’ll benefit your child as well.