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There’s no denying a love between a parent and a child. They are your flesh and blood and you would do anything for them to make sure they are taken care of. But what happens when the relationship turns co-dependent, where they rely so much on you that it strains funds for your own household? Here are some tips on how to deal with a parent that’s become too financially reliant on you.
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Evaluate the situation
You need to take a hard look at why both you and your parents are in this situation. How could this have been avoided? What are the takeaways for the future so that history does not repeat itself? Do they have a retirement savings and if so, how are they using it?
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Look over your finances
Obviously taking care of an additional person costs money, but how exactly are your parents a financial burden? How much do you contribute out of your pockets each month to their well-being? It’s good to have a budget in place that will show you where your money is going and how much. As much as you’d like to help you might be giving too much of your check over to your folks, which is why things are so tight.
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Set ground rules
If your parents are going to rely on you for help then you need to set a few ground rules. “Well I am the parent!” While this is a true statement, you need to make clear that you are now their provider and if they would like for it to continue, you will need for them to adhere to certain rules. Failure to do so leaves the door open for frivolous spending.
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Seek a side hustle
Not to be rude but if your parents are able they need to work. Doing so will definitely help relieve stress on your end when it comes to money. Many retirees find themselves working a side hustle or part-time job to help cover expenses like medical costs and their general livelihood.
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Cut back
You better believe that if you are going to help finance your parent’s lifestyle that they will need to cut back on a few things in your own life. How fair is it that you are working around the clock to create additional funds to help them and they aren’t making any changes to lower their financial needs? You also don’t want to enable any bad money habits.
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Create an allowance
Oh yes, an allowance isn’t just for children. It works for parents too. Unless you are Oprah or have her finances you probably do not have an endless amount of cash. Limit them to a fixed amount where they will have to make work until the next time you give money.
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Learn to say no
At the end of the day you will need to do what’s best for you. This doesn’t mean you are a cold-blooded person but one that is trying to make the best decision for the greater good. If you are not in a position to help out your parent financially like they want, be honest and say no. If you honestly don’t want to make such a long-term commitment as it will prohibit you from taking care of your children, say no.
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Don’t feel guilty
Hopefully your parents did what they could to secure their financial future because it’s not your responsibility to make up the rest. You are already working to save up for your own and you see how much effort that takes, let alone any additional long-term savings like your children’s college education. You should never be guilted into giving money by anyone.
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Make sure they are doing their part
Unfortunately it’s really easy for people to get use to others taking care of them. In fact, it can remove the desire to help themselves as most of us enjoy being kept. If you are going to help out your parents then they need to do their part. Even if they are physically unable to work, they should make sure that all of their savings, insurance and retirement plans are in place to help out with any costs.
