15 Confessions Of A Pregnant Woman

April 11, 2014  |  
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If you are or have ever been pregnant then you’ve probably secretly thought these things during those incredible, but rocky, nine months! And If you’ve never been pregnant, reading these will just give you 15 more reasons not to mess with an expectant mother.

“I really can’t drink?!”

If you think pregnant women are just angels who don’t miss a good tequila shot or a mimosa at brunch, you’re wrong! They are jealous when you’re guzzling wine at dinner. So stop it.

 

 

“Somebody else should pay for my maternity clothes”

Pregnant women have to buy a whole new wardrobe! And, they didn’t really ask for that part of the experience. Many believe somebody else should be shelling out the cash on those stretch pants — like their partners, or the government, or some charitable organization!

“The FedEx person better ring the doorbell and hand me that package”

Bending over to pick something up when pregnant is such a pain in the…well, everything! Some pregnant women curse the FedEx delivery person for just dropping the package on the doorstep instead of ringing the doorbell and waiting.

 

“I’m going to milk this morning sickness”

Pregnant women who still work are working with cramps, back pain, an overactive bladder and so much more. You better believe they’re going to use the “morning sickness” card to sleep an extra half hour in the morning.

 

“I shouldn’t have to apologize for a burp/fart”

Most of their gas is caused by that baby pressing on all the wrong places, so most pregnant women just don’t want to apologize when they let one loose—it wasn’t technically their doing!

“I’m not wearing a bra unless I absolutely have to”

Bra straps and band digging into the shoulders, chest and back—no thank you! Many pregnant women fling their bra off the second they walk in their front door. So expect to find one on the banister.

“I’m letting my other kids get away with too much, and I don’t care”

Being pregnant and already having other little ones running around the house can be too much to handle. Many pregnant women confess to letting their kids watch way too much TV or eat whatever they want because they’re too tired to do anything about it.

“I’ve considered that my partner might be useless”

Even though he or she is sweet, goes to the grocery store whenever a craving strikes and hands out back rubs like its his or her job, the poor partners of pregnant women can get a lot of flack. Many pregnant women confess looking at their partners and thinking, “I could do this without him. He’s just in the way!”

“I’ve considered peeing myself”

Pregnant women can barely sleep a few hours during the night without waking up to pee! If you sleep next to one, don’t be surprised to find the sheets warm and wet one night. Sometimes getting up for the fourth time that night is just too much to handle!

 

“Underwear is one more thing I don’t need right now”

Maternity clothing already costs enough, and pregnancy underwear is just so hideous. Many of the lovely pregnant ladies you see walking around are going “commando” under those stretch pants.

 

“I laugh at fit girls knowing they’ll get fat and pregnant too one day”

When those bellies get big, many pregnant women look at young girls with fit little bodies and perky breasts and think, “Ha! Enjoy that while you can!”

 

“I didn’t know I could be this manipulative”

Even the most patient, understanding and easy-going of pregnant women admit being manipulative and conniving when pregnant, saying whatever they can to get out of doing laundry, picking up their kids, or even just getting up off the couch to make popcorn.

 

“Half my thoughts are about when I’ll poop next”

Constipation is a very common and awful part of being pregnant. Many pregnant women confess that half their thoughts consist of things like, “Will this food help me go or block me up? Is there a bathroom nearby if I have to go? I’m so jealous that my partner goes so regularly!”

 

“I make up stories about other husbands”

Plenty of pregnant women make up stories of how great their pregnant friend’s husbands are to them, just to guilt their own into doing something.

 

 

 

“I’ve considered wearing my maternity clothes after pregnancy”

Pregnancy eyes are a real problem, and many pregnant women look at themselves in the mirror in those stretchy pants and thought, “I can keep these around for yoga” or looked at maxi dresses and thought, “This will make a nice pool throw.”

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