Signs You’re Not Ready To Be Emotionally Vulnerable Again

April 7, 2014  |  
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Ten months, ten weeks, two days…everybody has different “rules” about when you should start dating again after a breakup. But the only person you should really be listening to is yourself — your gut. If you’re not emotionally ready to date again, doing so could just set you back in your healing. Here are 15 signs you’re not ready to get back out there.


You cry after dates

Even if you enjoyed the date, the moment you get in your car afterwards you start to cry. And miss your ex intensely.


You cry during dates

During dates, you have to go to the bathroom and cry, pull yourself together, re-do your makeup, and go back out and pretend everything is fine.


You text your friends during dates

When on a date, you suddenly just want to talk to people who love you and protect you, and you are texting your best friends under the table.

You’re calling your mom all of the time

You’re talking to your mom (or dad!) way more than usual. Like, you call them four times a day. Basically, you just wish you could retreat back to childhood and into their protection because the world feels scary.


You jump a little when a guy talks to you

When at a bar and a guy speaks to you, you jump a little bit, are startled, and hope it’s over soon.


You deflect male attention

In general, you don’t make eye contact with men, you remain quiet at bars and parties, and you wear dark, conservative clothing so as to not draw attention to yourself.

You’re in your head during a kiss or even sex

If you do go so far as to kiss or even sleep with someone new, you’re completely in your head the entire time. You can’t enjoy one second of it even if you thought you liked the person.


You have a surrogate boyfriend

You’ve recently clung onto one of your male friends and treat him like a boyfriend: calling him several times a day, texting him all of your thoughts, and forcing him to accompany you everywhere. You miss the companionship of a male, but aren’t ready for the emotional investment that comes with a real boyfriend.

You’re reaching out to exes

Dating new people is scary—you just want to talk to people who know you and love you (to at least some degree) so you find yourself trying to see old boyfriends and flings.

You’re avoiding reminders of your ex

If his favorite song comes on, you slam off the radio. You won’t go to a bar or restaurant within a 15 mile radius of his house. Your stomach drops if you think you see his car.


You don’t ask questions during dates

You don’t actually want to make any new connections, so you’re lazy on dates. You let your date do all the talking and ask all the questions, and you just sit back and put in the bare minimum.


You’re afraid to get drunk

You don’t have a good enough handle on your emotions right now to drink more than two cocktails and not fall apart. Or call your ex.


You don’t even realize that your date hasn’t called you

The new guy you went out with last week calls you, apologizing it took him so long to call, and you hadn’t even realized seven days had passed. In fact, you sort of forgot all about him.


You’re proud of yourself for lasting two hours on a date

A two-hour date feels like an eternity, and if you make it through one, you feel like you did a “good job” of getting back out there. And believe you deserve to hide away again for another month.


You’re very sensitive in general

You cannot take a joke right now, you take everything the wrong way, and in general you believe the world is out to get you and nobody loves you.

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