Signs Of A Codependent Relationship And How to Fix It

March 14, 2014  |  
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The idea of being able to rely on your significant other for everything sounds nice in theory, but the reality is this is a very unhealthy state of being and can lead to a total breakdown should your relationship ever end. Here are some signs you’re in a codependent relationship and how you can turn things around for the better.

You like being in control

Being in a codependent relationship often comes about due to emotional instability as well as a lack of self-confidence. If you’re in a codependent relationship, it’s likely that you are a control freak and you want to retain control over whatever you can. This is because your emotions and self-worth are defined and validated by others, instead of internally.

How to fix it

No one needs to be in complete control of a relationship. In fact, it’s hard to control something that is out of your hands. Fixing the issue of being controlling is as simple as talking things through with your partner and being willing to let go of the reigns a little.

You over-sacrifice

All relationships require some sacrifice from both parties involved, otherwise things are bound to be one-sided and full of tension. However, over-sacrificing in a relationship isn’t good either. If you’ve given up things you like or friends in efforts to better your relationship, then it’s a good sign that you’re codependent.

How to fix it

Don’t completely stop sacrificing things in your relationship, just allow plenty of give and take and don’t hesitate to stop yourself from over-sacrificing, especially if past sacrifices haven’t made as big of a difference as you’d had hoped.

You put the relationship above yourself

Being selfless in a relationship is understandable to an extent. However, there is no need to ever make a relationship more important than you are. When your relationship is codependent, it’s likely that you, your man, or both of you put the relationship above anything and everything, even yourselves.

How to fix it

To make yourself less dependent on your relationship, always take some time for yourself. Often in relationships, women tend to lose sight of who they are, both mentally and emotionally. Continue to value your relationship but don’t think that it’s more important than you are. Otherwise you’re bound to have problems.

You let your man and the relationship define you

Your man and your relationship will definitely change who you are as a person, and hopefully for the better, but you should never be with a man or in a relationship for the sake of feeling important and like you matter. A relationship should never define who you are as a person, and if you’re in a relationship to learn about who you are, it’s a good sign that the relationship is codependent.

How to fix it

Re-learning and re-defining who you are as a person isn’t something that can be fixed overnight. In fact, you may find that it takes some time to really get back in touch with who you are as a person, aside of a relationship. Take some time to focus on you and nothing else, and re-connect with your inner self.

Communication isn’t your strong point

People who are codependent in a relationship tend to lack communication skills out of fear of disappointing their partner or having to disagree. For someone who is codependent, it’s a lot easier to say sorry than to be assertive.

How to fix it

Relationships are two way streets. You must be willing and able to speak your thoughts and emotions to your man. Otherwise, the relationship is not only going to become one-sided, but it’s going to become frustrating, especially for your partner.

You’re always seeking approval

It’s nice to know that your partner approves of what you’re doing and cares about it, but it’s an entirely different thing to seek approval for every decision you make in your life. Seeking approval from your man on some things that affect him and your relationship is okay, but if you need approval for everything, it’s a huge sign that your relationship is codependent.

How to fix it

Seeking approval isn’t a bad thing, but when it’s overdone, it can definitely become problematic. Now is a good time to work on your self-confidence and your self-esteem. The more confident you are in yourself, the less outside approval you need for the decisions and choices you make.

You don’t have strict boundaries

People who are codependent are less likely to stand up for themselves and have personal boundaries and lines that simply cannot be crossed by others. They have a really hard time saying no and they tend to allow people to take advantage of them without showing any type of repercussion.

How to fix it

The biggest fix for this problem is to toughen up, stand-up for yourself, and to set boundaries. Don’t continue to allow others to walk all over you. Have lines and make them known so that people give you the respect that you deserve. Setting new boundaries may take some time, but know that you’re a strong person who doesn’t deserve to be walked all over.

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