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When you’re happily in a relationship, you can’t help but want the same thing for your friends! But just because your love life is working out, doesn’t mean you’re an expert on dating advice. There are some things that will offend your single friend more than help her.
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“Why aren’t you married?”
It’s amazing these four evil little words manage to still get around after centuries of singles nearly losing their lunch at the sound of them. The question makes the assumption that the single person is unhappy being single.
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“Don’t you want to be married?”
This is no better than the last question! The single person feels like you’re talking down to them because the answer is, of course they’d like to find someone who loves them, and whom they love back, and can share their life with! But asking, “Don’t you want that?” assumes that the only thing standing in the single person’s way of marriage is the desire to be married—as if it’s that easy.
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“Have you tried online dating?”
Oh, great suggestion. Good thing you said it because your friend probably has no idea what the Internet is and has never seen any of the thousands of commercials and online ads for dating sites.
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“My friend found love online”
Furthermore with the online dating talk, the fact that one of the 300 people you know found a husband online has nothing to do with the friend you’re speaking to now. Different people, different circumstances, and not to mention the friend in your success story was the exception—let’s be real.
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“Love comes when you’re not looking for it”
This immediately makes your friend feel like you see her as desperate, trying too hard, and on the serious man hunt every night. It’s also frustrating because you can’t just decide what you think about and don’t think about: your single friend can’t just say, “Okay, I no longer notice men nor care if I find anyone.”
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“What ended up happening with Steve?”
There might have been a guy your single friend had a few successful dates with, and it just occurred to you that she hasn’t mentioned him in months. There’s a reason for that! The events around the breakup are probably painful. If your friend wants to bring them up, she will.
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“You’re just too picky”
So what you’re saying is, your friend should stop requiring that men have certain traits that she knows will make her happy, and even accept traits that she knows will drive her crazy. She’ll love that concept.
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“I’m jealous of you—being single is fun!”
Listing off all the carefree parts of single life that you miss doesn’t make your single friend feel on top of the world. Don’t forget that, yes, she doesn’t have to check in with someone every night. But she also doesn’t have a partner to do things with 24/7, or someone who wants to hear every detail of her day, or cuddle her at night. And she thinks about that more than she thinks, “I get the bed all to myself. Yay.”
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“You can always hang out with me and my guy whenever you want!”
If your single friend is complaining of having no one to go to the Farmers Market with on Sunday mornings, do not offer her to third wheel it with you and your man. This is almost like saying, “Just give up. We’ll take care of you like our own daughter. You don’t need a man!”
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“You need to put yourself out there”
This assumes that you know what sort of effort your friend has put out there. She might be speed dating every Saturday, going on every set-up date that her matchmaking friends offer her, and flirting her face off at bars.
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“You’ll love our friend Josh”
If you want to try to set your friend up, you need to let her know you have zero investment in whether or not the set up works out. Saying, “You’ll love” someone already puts pressure on your friend—she’ll feel she’s offending you if she doesn’t love him. If you want to do a set-up, just say to your friend, “I’m having some friends over this week. There’s this nice guy coming. Maybe you’ll like talking to him.”
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“You should dress more flirty”
Maybe you think your friend’s cardigans and ballet flats don’t scream, “I want to be approached!” but maybe she doesn’t want her clothing to scream that. Maybe she wants to filter out any guy who wouldn’t approach her, all on the basis that her outfit isn’t “flirty.” Either way, suggesting your friend be less of herself is always offensive.
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“You’re young. You’ve got plenty of time.”
All you just did is remind your friend that she doesn’t have endless amounts of time. You just made her look at the time on a clock she had forgotten even existed!
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“Relationships aren’t for everyone”
Oh great, so you’re giving up for your friend now? This statement implies that your friend is looking for love because she thinks she is supposed to: but has it occurred to you that she wants someone to share her life with? Relationships are for everyone and anyone who wants one. Plain and simple.
