The Best Kind Of Alpha Male: Are You Dating One?

Every man has an alpha male living inside of him; it’s just the nature of the beast. Some, let their alpha traits and tendencies dominate their personalities, others completely suppress them, and others beautifully control them, being the perfect specimen of gentle and firm. We’d all love to find the latter; so here’s what to look for.

An alpha male is confident

He walks with his head held eye, he looks people in the eye when speaking to them, he stands as if he is proud to be in his body and he speaks with intention. He doesn’t hide his accomplishments or feign humility when complimented, nor does he seek out compliments, but accepts flattery graciously.

He doesn’t condescend

An alpha male who is truly confident doesn’t feel the need to make other men feel less than him. He doesn’t condescendingly pat other men on the back, or grab their elbow when shaking hands (an understood condescending act amongst men), or one-up a man who is speaking of his accomplishments. He feels secure in his masculinity and therefore doesn’t feel the need to emasculate other men.

Fear is not a factor

There’s always something to fear, if you let yourself. An alpha male could get arrested by sneaking you onto a private beach in the middle of the night to show you the stunning view, and he could be turned down when asking for a few extra complimentary bottles of champagne from a concierge. But when he does these things, it never seems to even occur to him that there is something to be afraid of. When there is something an alpha male wants to do, or have, he goes after it—it’s all he knows to do.

He is intelligent

An alpha male wants power, and he knows that in today’s world, intelligence equals power. An alpha male will be well read, will keep up with the news, will familiarize himself with the customs of other cultures and will often take classes, even after college, to continue to accumulate knowledge.

He takes risks

He makes big investments, he quits his day job to start his company, he takes on a position he knows nothing about but stays up all night to learn everything he can about it, rather than turning it down.

He accommodates others to a reasonable degree

If we constantly worried about whose toes we could be stepping on, or who else deserves something we’re getting, we wouldn’t get anywhere. The alpha male understands that. However, he doesn’t knowingly or intentionally harm another person on his way up the ladder. He takes into consideration the needs of others when he can, and when he knows it is his responsibility to do so. But he is no martyr. He is in it to win it.

Women are drawn to him

You’ll often see plenty of women surrounding an alpha male, even if they are just friends. Women are attracted to the alpha energy—an alpha male behaves as if he is someone worth knowing, and so others believe he is. He is also straightforward, which to women is edgy and exciting; you never know what the alpha male might say next.

But he doesn’t have to try hard

The alpha male doesn’t “hit on” women, or pay them tons of compliments. He knows that with his confidence, all he has to do is treat them with respect. The alpha male never worries that another more aggressive man will swoop in because he knows aggression is not the way to win over a woman. He shows interest, but never seems desperate. He buys you a drink because he knows you want him to; he doesn’t pause to ask if you’ll take it.

He is a trendsetter

The alpha male will be the first to like a music genre nobody else likes, and others will follow in his suit. He’ll be the first to put a hole-in-the-wall restaurant on the map. He has such conviction in his reviews of places/people/things that he even makes others see those places/people/things the way he does—whether they would have liked those things on their own is irrelevant. Their perception has now been colored by the opinion of the alpha male.

He is a leader

He’s the one organizing parties, finding the next thrill to chase from trips to concerts to activities. His friends, co-workers and family look to him for what to do next. He is the one receiving the phone calls and not making them.

He is calm

He doesn’t get worked up over a server spilling a drink on him, or a hostess losing a reservation, or a cocky gentleman trying to make him look bad in front of others. His emotions rarely fluctuate because he knows that it’s within those fluctuations that weakness lies and that remaining calm can only, as a result, calm others around him—whether they were bothering him, or nervous around him.

He speaks slowly

An alpha male doesn’t question whether or not he will be listened to, so he doesn’t feel the need to speak loud or quickly. He speaks slowly, with intention. He also does not react quickly, but takes time to decide on the best plan of action should things go wrong.

He looks masculine

An alpha male just looks like all man. It’s not necessarily in the way he dresses, or how muscular he is, or how tall he is, but in the way he holds himself—plus a combination of the previous three traits.