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June-September is wedding season and we’d like to take the opportunity to look at a few of our least favorite wedding trends. Tacky is in the eye of the beholder. But the general consensus is that these wedding elements are not the way to go on your big day.

Chocolate Fountains

There’s nothing wrong with a chocolate fountain — if the wedding is taking place in 1992. People let chocolate fountains go a long time ago. They’re messy, gaudy and they rarely taste like chocolate. Everybody loves chocolate, but no wedding guests wants to get their brand new ‘fit splashed with brown cocoa.

Facebook Invites

When you don’t get a real invitation, it doesn’t feel like a real wedding. Any event that involves cloth napkins deserves paper invites. Plus, it looks a little cheap. There are lots of less conspicuous ways to save money on a wedding. This one gets everyone talking about how tacky the wedding is before they even walk in the door.

Pulling Up In Any Old Ride

When the bride pulls up, folks shouldn’t be thinking “who is this fool trying to park in front of the church during a wedding?” No one wants to see a bride struggling to pull her dress out of the passenger seat of the ride she takes to work. The bride’s big entrance is a magical moment, and that deserves a limo at least.

Ice Sculptures

This is another messy wedding element that was played out a long time ago. Nothing says “tacky wedding” like a sclupture melting all over the hors d’oeuvres. That goes double if the ice sculpture is in the shape of the bride and groom; triple if there’s money frozen in it.

Dance Performances

Praise dancers are precious, but a wedding is not their time to shine. That goes double for the bride and her court. Choreographed wedding dances have been out of style since Jim and Pam’s Office wedding back in 2009.

Visible Tattoos

No one wants to see the blushing bride walk down the aisle with a pair of  juicy lips tattooed on her tatas. They have cover up makeup for that now. And we know a few brides who shouldn’t hesitate to share that little tipwith their bridesmaids too.

Banning Kids

Weddings are traditionally a family affair. When the bride bans kids, she comes off as kind of a diva. Now her guests have to find a sitter on top of buying a dress and a gift for the big day. We know that babies aren’t always the best at being well-behaved, but everyone has to give a little on the big day.

No Alcohol

There is just no way to leave the alcohol out of a wedding without looking cheap. The food and drinks at the reception are how the bride and groom thank the guests for taking time out to celebrate their big day. Not serving alcohol is as bad as not serving food, unless it’s for religious purposes.

Ratchet Music

There’s a time and a place to drop it like it’s hot and it’s not in a banquet hall at a wedding. If the bride plays ratchet music, she can’t get mad when that one cousin gets on the dance floor and shows out. Every once in a while, we all need a little help keeping it classy.

A Revealing Dress

A wedding shouldn’t be a scandalous affair. Is it too much to ask for the bride to leave a little to the imagination? Looking beautiful on the big day has nothing to do with exposed skin. A bride shouldn’t look like she’s ready to hit the club right after “I do.”

A Crown

Every bride feels like a princess on her wedding day. But unless you’re really royalty, wearing a crown is considered poor form. We’ve seen a lot of sparkly tin numbers that would be better replaced by a beautiful headpiece.

Asking for Money

This is another level of tackiness. We all know that the wedding was expensive. But when did it become our job to pay the bride back? Giving cash is always tacky, and who wants to reveal exactly how much they spent on the gift. We’re showing up with something wrapped no matter what the official request may be.

The Money Dance

No one should have to hit up the ATM before they go to a wedding. It’s OK to pin dollars on a birthday girl. Pinning cash on a grown woman at a wedding reception is much less appropriate. Asking for money at the wedding is even worse than demanding it as a gift.

Dresses That Aren’t White

We’ve seen it all: American flag dresses, camouflage dresses and dresses decorated with LED lights. Wedding dresses that look like craft projects are always tacky. If there’s only one element of a wedding that follows tradition, this should be it.

Getting Married at Your Favorite Store

We don’t know when or how this trend started. But we’ve seen wedding pictures from Wal-Mart, Church’s chicken, Pizza Hut and a number of other ridiculous places. How did this tradition even start? And who wants to hear someone order a number four while they’re reciting their vows?
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