As the holiday season is rapidly approaching, many of us will be taking the bold step of either going home to meet their lover’s family or bringing him/her home to meet their own. Here are a few tips to ensure the introduction goes as smoothly as possible:
1) Steady, Are You Ready?
While it may be tempting to bring a new boo home just to show him or her off, to compete with your perfect cousin who always has a perfect boyfriend on deck or to quiet your grandmother’s ‘When are you gonna settle down?’ question, make sure that you are comfortable enough with your partner to make this move. The last thing you want to do is find out about your new boyfriend’s three-year vacay on Riker’s Island over Auntie Maxine’s famous dressing. Nor do you want to scare away someone who may not have enough investment in the relationship when your mom decides to reminisce over how you wet the bed until your first year in high school.
2) Please Advise
If you are the one doing the bringing, make sure to give your man or your lady the appropriate pre-game talk. Warn him about Uncle Roscoe’s habit of taking out his glass eye and scaring the little kids, or that your granny never got over your ex and will launch into “Where’s Mark? I LOVED Mark for you! You should ask him to take you back.” by her second cup of white zinfandel. Lay out which topics may be off limits (i.e. prison, out of respect for Cousin Pookie and divorce, out of consideration for the thrice-married Aunt Yvette). If you are the one going home, ask that your boo thang gives you the same info.
3) Bring The Humble Pie
Want to make an A$$ of yourself? Mention how your granny’s macaroni and cheese is way better than the interesting concoction your boyfriend’s 17-year-old cousin was allowed to debut this Turkey Day. Or tell a joke at the dinner table about how your girlfriend snores like a 300-pound-sumo wrestler. Don’t play meek and mild, but make sure that you have an appropriate amount of deference for the family that raised your beloved. And don’t say anything that can be remotely considered as offensive. No arguing about politics or religion, no telling your girlfriend’s mom “You’re wrong!” even if she’s about as brilliant as Sara Palin. Offer to wash dishes or refill drinks or play with the kids. Remember: they were there first and will be there long after you are gone. The last thing you want is your man/lady having to defend their choice of date.
4) Stay Sober
While you may need a drink or three to get through the night, make sure you don’t get wasted or even visibly tipsy. The same aunt who will keep your glass filed (“Drink up, baby! It’s a celebration!”) just might turn around and tell your man’s parents that you seem to drink too much. Nerves, rich foods and a ton of booze can be a bad combination. If you find yourself hurling in Granny Kay’s bathroom…you aren’t gonna live that down for a long time. Don’t be that girl. That girl might not be back for Christmas dinner.
5) Don’t Come Empty Handed
Bring a little something to the table aside from your dazzling smile. If you can throw down, bring a dish that might not already be at the gathering (if your sweet potato pie puts Aunt Doris’ disastrous one to shame, this may embarrass her), but not something too left field (I love cranberry and pine nut risotto, but not every family is gonna even do you the courtesy of trying something new to them, especially if they don’t know you). And if you know that YOU can’t cook, play it safe with a bottle of wine, spirits or a small fruit tray. You will get clowned if your mashed potatoes taste like paste and no one needs another store bought crunch cake. Leave that to fast Cousin Angie who was too busy kissing boys to learn any family recipes, let Aunt Dawn tell it. Damn shame that girl is.
6)Dress To Impress
Whether you are a preppy nerd going to meet your girlfriend’s hippie-holdover parents or a lifelong boho having dinner with a conservative clan, you can make sure that you are event appropriate by asking your man or lady what the family will be wearing and interpreting that appropriately. And while your man may love your cleavage-baring v-necks and mini-skirts, I can almost guarantee you that his mom will not appreciate them as a much. If your boyfriend is a t-shirt and Timbs dude who will stand out like a sore thumb with your uppity fam, tell him how Hot he looks in a button up and convince him to switch it up a little bit for the day.
7) Be Yourself
While you do want to keep it clean and prevent unneeded embarrassment, you don’t want to pretend to be something you aren’t. Don’t lose your sense of self, because at the end of the day…it’s you who bagged your partner in the first place. Just be yourself with impeccable manners and a little filter. Unless you are a rude, disrespectful drunk, in which case, it might not be so bad to be someone else for a day.
