Maybe the father of your child isn’t on some Maury Povich level of denial and ridiculousness, but still has deadbeat tendencies. Spotty financial contributions, sometimey acknowledgement of your child’s milestones and a general lack of effort to establish a deep bond, are all sure signs that you’re dealing with a dead beat-ish dad. What’s a single mom to do? If you think the father of your child has the potential to be a better father, but needs some prodding to get things going, try out these tips. Is it fair to you to have to take responsibility for facilitating a father/child bond? Hell naw, but you’re doing this for your child’s sake. It’s worth it. You are attaching training wheels to the relationship and the hope is that one day the relationship will balance and continue on it own without so much effort on your part.
Give him a couple weeks notice about an upcoming birthday.
What kind of man needs a reminder about his child’s birthday? Unfortunately too many. If the dad is prone to forget your little one’s big day and you’re tired of signing birthday cards “from Daddy,” give that man a call, text or email a couple weeks in advance. Two weeks should be plenty of time to get a few bucks together and buy the child a present on time.
Offer to drop off and pick up your child for visits.
Eliminate his excuses. If he claims he can’t see your child because he doesn’t have transportation or his schedule is too tight or whatever excuse he has, suck it up and be a cab service for the dad’s visitation if you have the means.
Send him copies of report cards and progress reports.
Non-custodial parents are not always at those parent teacher conferences. Don’t let your child’s father claim that he didn’t know about x,y and z that’s going on in your baby’s life. Send him copies of academic paperwork, including exams and reports.
Suggest and plan daddy days.
With some men, you just can’t hold your breathe for them to take initiative, even with something they might enjoy. You know your child’s interests and you remember what kind of things the dad enjoys, plan outings for just the two of them. By you planning everything out, you are taking the stress out of the situation and making it easier to say yes.
Inform him of the schedule, achievements and costs of your child’s extra-curricular activities.
Non-custodial parents miss a lot of the everyday moments and those who are not motivated to make the effort also miss out on structured activities. Make sure your child’s father is aware of your kid’s activities and schedules. At the very least, you will know that he knows about some of the financial and time commitments you are making. Hopefully, he’ll put in some time and money to your child’s interests.
Arrange a mutually convenient telephone or skype conversation every week.
Maybe distance or some other reason makes it impossible for the father and child to physically meet more than a few times a year. Keep the communication flowing by setting up a conversation at the same time every week. Skyping or some type of video chatting would be optimal if possible.
When you notice good things about your child that remind you of the dad, let the dad know.
Does your daughter have a killer jump shot just like her daddy? Does your little boy get all A’s in math just like his daddy did when he was a kid? Let the man know this. All parents like to see the good bits of themselves have passed down to their children. That just might be the thing that motivates him to be more involved.
Speak plainly on behalf of the child.
If your little ones are not old enough to express themselves, be the mouthpiece for their needs. As much a possible, take your personal feelings about him out of the equation and talk about what his involvement would mean to the children.
Single moms work miracles everyday. If you know one, hug one (and offer to babysit).
