For some reason, a naked ring finger combined with an empty womb makes folks think they have unlimited access to your time and funds. I mean, what important things could you possibly have in your life, you husbandless, childless woman, you? Seems like single women get stereotyped as having this reckless wannabe “Sex and The City” lifestyle when often times that is far from the truth. Okay, maybe there’s no crying baby on your hip or a husband that can’t seem to press the start button on the dishwasher, but you do have a life and you do have things in your life that matter. It’s time to let these people know that you are not their own personal superwoman.
Tell Your Boss/Co-Worker “No”
People are well aware of the challenges working moms face. Some companies have become more family friendly, but a lot of them still have a ways to go. That said, when “somebody” in the office has to work every weekend on that new account, guess who that somebody is nine times out of ten? Yep–your single, childless behind. That’s not always a bad thing. Everybody has to put in work and show their bosses they are driven, but sometimes enough is enough. A co-worker’s babysitter’s schedule does not always trump your girl’s trip to Miami or your long promised weekend of Blackberry-less self-rejuvenation on your couch. Don’t sabotage your career, but don’t let everything get dumped on you just because of the boxes you check off on your taxes either.
Be Auntie/Big Cousin Not Mom #2
Your younger relative is on Facebook acting the fool! Cursing in every other status, putting up wildly inappropriate pictures and making you grateful everyday that such a thing did not exist in your high school years. But guess what Auntie? You are not Mom and unless you see something really serious (signs of depression, admission to criminal acts), treat all of that like it’s a diary you stumbled upon. That’s how they treat it, so you should too. Might take a little getting used to (Goodness knows I’ve been de-friended more than once), but you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders once you take off that pseudo-disciplinarian cap.
Close Off Access To Your Bank Accounts
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As EVERYBODY knows (and that one aunt likes to point out every holiday) you are single, which means that all of your bank accounts are in your name alone. But by golly, you wouldn’t know that looking at the way folks stay in your pockets. Nephew Billy wants that new video game for Christmas (in addition to what you already bought him). Your friend needs bail money for her daughter’s father. Aunt Pearl put a deposit on the big cake for Grandma’s birthday, but she doesn’t have the rest of the money to pick it up. Somehow all these things end up in your lap. Why? Well, you don’t have diapers to buy or a husband to feed. You must have some extra money laying around. Doesn’t that just kill you? Extra money. Hmph. What is extra money and why is it always for someone other than you? Continue being the kind, generous woman you are, but have limits. Don’t let folks play you for the fool or treat you like their own personal ATM.
Stop Being Everybody’s Girl Friday
You got time, right? You don’t have anything important to do after work. Your job is your whole life after all. Surely running errands, babysitting at a moment’s notice or handling all the funeral arrangements for a great uncle you barely knew is doable, no? If you’re not comfortable saying “no,” learn to just not answer the phone. Sounds kinda heartless, but your sanity is important and priceless. You can’t take on everybody else’s responsibilities.
Expect And Enjoy Chivalry
Call me old fashioned, but I still believe in the guy paying for the first date. If the guy is low on funds, which is very understandable in this economy, he should be able to plan a low cost, fun date that he can afford. If he can’t plan a fun free/ affordable date, he shouldn’t be dating until he gets his funds together. Ever meet a guy and the first thing out of his mouth was something about how he loves independent women because they pay for stuff? Yeah, run from those guys. Expect a man to be a gentleman and always thank him for his kindness. You are an independent woman and a lady.
