I posted that question in preparation for my upcoming October series on coloracism amongst blacks and other dark-skinned minorities. I was expecting some feedback, but frankly, the 115+ comments I got in just 24 hours was telling me something sinister and incendiary was going on, and we don’t seem to want to discuss it –as with many *cough* other stains in our collective dirty laundry basket.
I first had intended to introduce this topic in another way. But this woman’s experience so moved and frighted me and the impact, I believe, stands alone.
I am originally from a Caribbean country but I was raised here in America; I believe that colorism is ten thousand times worse over there than in the US. At least here in the US the one drop rule forced light-skinned and mixed race blacks to identify as black, even if they looked white, like Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Many white-looking blacks like him chose not to pass as white. But no such rule exists in my country, so light-skinned people, even those with African features, consider themselves white and most of them really hate dark skinned people.
The colorism in my family was (and still is) so bad that I ran away from them as soon as I was 18 and I have stayed away ever since. In my own family, people range in color from extremely light to almost black because of our white, east indian and african ancestry. We also have hair textures ranging from short and “nappy” to long and almost straight. My mother is medium brown but she worshiped at the alter of light skin. She treated her light-skinned children better than she treated herself,while treating the darker ones worse than an animal hater would treat a dog. We were violently abused (thrown down stairs,threatened with butcher knives and hot irons, beaten to a pulp for no reason), neglected, sent to school without being fed, bathed or wearing clean clothes.
I am amber brown, but that was too dark for my mother. Until I was 17 years old and got my first summer job, I had to be content with having only one pair of slacks, one shirt, sneakers with holes, no socks, no boots, hat or gloves in the winter. All the while, my two light skinned sisters and 2 light skinned brothers were clean, well-dressed, well-fed and cared for.
Needless to say, no one wanted to come near me, looking as pitiful as I did, so I had no friends throughout my childhood. I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was 8 years old but I was not smart enough to know how many pills to swallow to cause death. I had nothing but school but I guess it saved me. Since I always felt ugly and looked unappealing, I never had boyfriends, so pregnancy and abortions were problems I never had to deal with. I ended up getting a scholarship to a competitive college, left my mother and siblings 2 days after high school graduation and never returned to them.
The two daughters whom she adored: one ended up a baby-mamma by two different men who abandoned her and the children. My mother is past retirement age, but is still working to support my sister and her children (and the unemployed, drug-addicted boyfriends that my sister brings into the household). My sister hates my mother, verbally abuses her, steals from her to give to her boyfriends. She is a true monster. The other sister is not a monster but she would be a baby-mamma several times over had she not had several abortions. The 2 light-skinned brothers that she worshiped don’t even call or send a card on her birthday or on mother’s day; they visit her only when they want to borrow money or need free baby-sitting for their light-skinned children, who are also colorist and do not like or respect my mother.
I love my mother (I wish I didn’t), but I don’t feel sorry for her. Her colorism made her an unbelievably cruel woman to me and my darker skinned siblings. Black colorists are no better than white racists and I refuse to have close personal relationships with both types of people.
This conversation is long overdue. Next week I talk about how coloracists devalue dark-skinned sisters and elevate women of a lighter hue in dating, mating and marriage.
Wait till I tell you about a tweet from a “rapper” I caught wind of a few weeks ago.
Christelyn D. Karazin founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community. She is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships.
