Nobody wants to be 100% responsible for somebody else’s happiness. It’s a huge burden, and unfortunately one that women often put on men. Believe it or not, there are still women in this day and age that are waiting to be “saved.” Men are terrified of these women and keep an eye out for them at every corner they turn, and on every date. A man wants a woman that can stand alone. A woman that has been proactive and built a life for herself that she enjoys, with or without a man. That way, there are no unfair expectations of being “saved.” Just two happy people, wanting to share their happiness with somebody else. Here is how a man can spot a happy and confident woman.
Peace amongst friends
If there is constant turmoil in a woman’s group of friends, you can bet there is constant turmoil in the romantic relationships a woman carries on as well. Drama only happens for these reasons: insecurity, pride, jealousy, ego, and a need to be “right.” When people can let go of those things, their friendships are typically much more peaceful. And those are all dynamics no man wants in his relationship.
She ends every complaint with hope
Everybody stresses and complains. You would be an obnoxiously, naively positive person if you didn’t. But, with every complaint or stress has to come a glimmer of hope. A man notices the difference between, “Everything in my life sucks!” and “Everything in my life sucks! At the moment…But it will be okay. I’ll figure it out.” He knows that a woman that ends her complaints with hope, is a woman that will move forward in her life, and therein continue to be happy. The woman that just complains for the sake of complaining is usually a self-defeatest that blames the world for her problems, and doesn’t feel responsible for fixing them. Therein, often looks to her man to fix them.
She’s committed to her interests
She loves dance/sculpture/improv and so she takes a class or meets with a group every week. She doesn’t flake on these activities for a man. A man likes a woman that doesn’t compromise her own desires for him, because in the end she doesn’t compromise her own identity for him. Once a woman starts giving up her own hobbies, interests and passions, she can become too dependent on a man to define her. And that’s too large of a burden for a man to carry.
She has plans for her career
She’s not just “working for the man,” clocking in and clocking out, with no change in sight. She has moves mapped out. She has milestones she would like to reach, and plans to reach them. A woman that never looks ahead in her career often becomes depressed, and looks to someone else to give her things to look forward to, or to give her an “escape.” A man doesn’t want to be your escape. He wants to be an addition to your already happy life.
She lets her feelings be known
She doesn’t hesitate to let a man know when he has hurt her, or when he is being stubborn or irrational. She speaks up for herself, and is willing to do the work (via communication) to get what she needs. When a woman isn’t willing to speak up for herself, this says to a man that she is desperate for a boyfriend–so desperate, that she doesn’t want to stir up a fuss. And that is not attractive.
She doesn’t need validation
She rarely asks, “Do you like me? Do you love me? Do I look good? Am I attractive? Do you think I’m funny?” Of course, a man should tell a woman occasionally that she is those things if he believes them, but if a woman asks too often, the man becomes constantly aware that she is seeking validation, and he feels an enormous responsibility to appease her insecurities.
Small things don’t phase her
She doesn’t freak out if the caterer brought the wrong type of peas to her dinner, or if five people have to squeeze into a four person table at a restaurant. A woman that has truly significant things in her life making her happy–her relationships, her career, her passions–isn’t upset by the small things. Because she knows she has larger sources of happiness to depend on. The dinner going perfectly isn’t her only chance at happiness that week. She has set up her life to have plenty of chances to be happy every day. But if a woman fusses about the small things, it’s usually because she has nothing big going on in her life.
She compliments others
She goes out of her way to tell another woman she looks nice, or to tell a friend how intelligent they are, or a co-worker how well they did on a presentation. A complimentary person is a confident person because they don’t fear that praising others takes attention away from themselves. They feel confident in their own strengths and in the ways they shine. They don’t feel threatened by someone else that shines, too.
She takes an interest in others
At a dinner party, she is the first to ask the stranger across from her, “So, what do you do?” and takes a genuine interest in their answer. Typically, the woman that doesn’t take an interest in others is afraid they’ll do the same to her, and she doesn’t find herself very interesting. Either that or she is insecure and doesn’t like to hear others talk about their success or happiness.
She doesn’t wait to be introduced
When taken to a party, she doesn’t cling to her man’s side, keeping entirely silent until spoken to or introduced to somebody. She goes off on her own and meets people. This not only shows that she isn’t territorial of her man, but that she is confident enough in herself to charm over people she’s just meeting, with no introduction necessary.
She doesn’t speak badly of her exes
It’s in poor taste to speak badly of your exes; it just is. The truth is, you chose to be with that person. So in some way, whatever happened, you let happen. It’s painful but it is true. To speak poorly of one’s ex only shows the inability to take responsibility for the happenings in one’s life. A woman that is able to speak at least diplomatically about her ex has taken the mature view, and that is that every person is an experience and a lesson.
She doesn’t take things personally
The truth is that anything anybody every does to you, stems directly from their own fears, insecurities and issues. Hate is just the cowardly way to handle fear. If someone cheated on you, was rude to you, betrayed you…those were all the actions they did, as a way to avoid something they feared. A truly confident woman knows this, and takes nothing personally. She does not start needless arguments. She doesn’t start bar fights. She doesn’t slash the tires of a friend that stabbed her in the back. She humbly understands that nothing is personal.
She has long standing friendships
Nothing provides the warmth and comfort of a friend you’ve had for years. A woman that has a life full of friends she still sees or speaks to from college, high school or childhood, is a happy woman. Men are wary of women that struggle to keep friends for more than a year or two. It indicates that in some way, that woman angers all of her friends, or becomes too easily angered.
She’s willing to make a fool of herself
She’ll sing karaoke, she’ll dance on stage, she’ll make a funny voice, she’ll put on a goofy costume. Everybody has their own way of being goofy, but so long as a woman has some way she gets goofy, she is probably a confident and happy person. She feels secure in herself as an attractive person, that she doesn’t fear being silly compromises that.