The Boo vs The Besties: 8 Mistakes Women Make Balancing Friends and Boyfriends

August 22, 2012  |  
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It happens time and time again, your friend doesn’t get along with your boyfriend or suddenly so many of your friends disappear when you get a new boyfriend. Yes, relationships can sometimes destroy or end some of your greatest friendships. But whose fault is it? The girl with the new man or the reactions of her friends when she gets the man? It can easily be a combination of both. Let’s have a look at some mistakes that women make when dealing with the new man in their life, whether it’s your man or the friend’s man. Here’s how relationships can destroy friendships:

Assuming your friends are jealous

“She’s just jealous!”…Let’s be honest, we’ve all probably said this before. This is probably the number one problem that leads to the destruction of friendship.  Using jealousy as an excuse to be inconsiderate of your friend’s feelings or not listen to what they have to say is really just an excuse to continue swooning over your man. Your friends maybe genuinely concerned for your well-being or genuinely concerned about your friendship. Yes, it is possible that your friend is jealous, but it is also possible that she is NOT jealous.  Don’t let this be an excuse to ignore the real problems.

Expecting everything to be the same

Time to point the finger at the friends on this one…this has got to be one of the most teenaged mistakes that friends make, but believe it or not, women still continue to do it even when they get older. They somehow expect their friend with the new boo to still spend as much time with them. Nothing in life ever stays the same…people change and grow in many different ways. People always accept these changes when it comes to someone getting a new job, living further away or just plain growing up. Why do you expect relationships to be any different?

Replacing your friends with your boo

You’ve been friends for years, and what does your girl do? Toss you aside like a rag doll for some guy she’s only known for a few months. A lot of us definitely know what this feels like. What makes this worse is that the more you try to confront her about this, the more she continues to run to her man. In cases like this, she is seriously just being a bad friend. You probably won’t like the resolution to this one… but in cases like this, sometimes it’s just not worth trying to repair. Your man should never be a replacement for your friends and if your friend can’t see this, then she probably doesn’t value your friendship enough.

Assuming your friends will always be there.

This one is almost like the last one…except in this case it doesn’t start out with negative intent. It’s one of those things where many small things accumulate into something huge. It’s been a while…you’re thinking should I have lunch with the ladies today? No, you say, “I can have lunch with them next time, I’m better off having my man over for a nice home cooked meal.”  The ladies are going out tonight, but you say “but they do that every Friday night, so I’m gonna go see my boo instead.” It might even be that you’re having friendship drama, so you decide, I’d rather go chill with my man than deal with all the drama. Is this the right decision? WRONG! You can’t keep putting your friends at the bottom of your priority list. First of all, think about how this will make them feel. Second of all, this works both ways…who are you going to run to when you have problems with your boyfriend? You’ll be lucky if they’re even still there!

Never inviting the boyfriend to come along

Like any normal female, no one wants your friend’s man ruining your “girls night,” but come on ladies, you have to be endearing and inviting to him too.  Just because you don’t want him to tag along on girls night, that doesn’t mean that you can’t try a dinner night or some other special event. Making sure to sometimes invite both of them will not only make the boyfriend more accepting of you as her friends, but she will also be more appreciative of you as a friend knowing she can share important aspects of her life with you.

Stop making plans together

When one of the ladies gets a new man, women have a tendency to stop inviting her out to as many get togethers. They may think that is just being respectful of the new relationship and giving their friend space. Believe it or not though, some women get insecure about this, and rather interpret it as you having a problem with their relationship.  On the other hand, sometimes this is because the women with the new man has given a string of no’s to multiple invites just because she thinks having a boyfriend is an excuse to say no. Either way, there has to be some balance. Don’t automatically start giving your friend “space,” and don’t automatically assume you shouldn’t try to spend time with friends just because you have a boyfriend.

Always wanting your boyfriend to accompany you

Let’s be real, sometimes your friends just don’t want your boyfriend around and sometimes he just doesn’t want to be around them either. Stop trying to always mix the two together! This will only cause your friends to resent him because they feel like he’s always getting in the way, and he will also feel like your friends are getting in the way of your alone time. Certain things are just better done with the girls, and certain things are just better done alone with the boyfriend. The sooner you accept this fact, the easier life will be.

Forgetting there’s a life outside of your relationship

In any serious relationship or even marriage, it becomes normal to almost forget there is a life outside of your relationship. This one applies to more than just friends. It’s also about family, work, leisure, and just some good old “me” time. You and your significant other spend so much time together, that this becomes the norm, and spending time on things not related to your other half become not normal. However, just because this becomes normal for you, that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. It’s always important to maintain balance in all aspects of your life. What happens if your relationship doesn’t last? The world will seem like a very lonely place won’t it?  You won’t know how to function outside of the relationship, and you will have very few people for emotional support. You’ll probably feel like the world has abandoned you, when in fact, you’re the one who abandoned the world.


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