Things Women Think Are Hot But Men Don’t

August 24, 2012  |  
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Blame it on regular magazine headlines like, “100 sex tricks he’ll love!” or on Adult Videos, but somewhere along the line women picked up some misguided techniques to turn a man on. Ladies: those magazine are written by women. And as for Adult Videos, men watch it because it’s just that—Adult Videos. It’s not reality. When they come to you, they want the real thing.

Being mean in bed

A select few men are into the dominant/submissive game. But, usually, if a guy likes you, he doesn’t want to hurt you! He doesn’t want to call you a “dirty wh*re” or whack you with a paddleboard or choke you. So if you decide one night that to spice it up you’ll start yelling orders in bed about all the grotesque things you want him to say and do to you, he’ll probably just be terrified and lose his—you know.

Elaborate outfits

Often men don’t know what to do with these. There are so many laces and buckles and straps that by the time one boot is off, your man just wants to pass out. Here’s what a man likes: a naked woman. Pretty simple, huh? Sure some cute underwear and bra will get them going. But stay away from stores with names like “Dominatrix Kitty.” Anything in there is too complicated for your man to get off.


Again, men are simple. If they come home to find you naked and waiting for them, they’re excited. Throw in some new positions, and they’ll appreciate that too. But when you start bringing toys and gadgets in the bedroom, most men feel intimidated. They feel silly if they don’t know exactly how to use those toys and they feel like they, by themselves, were not adequate enough to please you. If you do want to bring accessories into the bedroom, keep it simple like edible body lotion or handcuffs.

Slobber kisses

If you’re doing this, you’ve been watching too much Jersey Shore. No man wants your tongue on his forehead, nor does he want to feel like you’re giving him an oral exam with your tongue. Men just want you to kiss the way you kiss, because they like you. Keep in mind the kiss is the most intimate part of the sexual experience, and if you’re being ingenuine about it, trying to pull out all sorts of tricks, then that intimacy is lost.

Areola play

Do you like having man Areola hair in your mouth? No? Good! Because men don’t like you having it there either. Men don’t have that much sensation in their nipples. In fact, many men feel that Areola play is an explicitly female-targeted act, and can feel emasculated if you do it! Keep the teasing either above the collarbone or below the belt.

Comparison to exes

“You’re so much better than my ex” or “You’re so much bigger than my ex” doesn’t make a man feel flattered. It makes him picture you sleeping with someone else. And it makes him realize that you were thinking of someone else while you were sleeping with him! It doesn’t matter how nice you’re trying to spin it: do not bring up any sexual partners while you’re with your current one.

Acting Hot

If a man is with you, it’s because he already thinks you’re Hot. A man isn’t waiting to see your “Hot side” in the bedroom. He already sees it when you’re just being you. So don’t feel you have to bring things to a whole new level once you sleep together. Don’t try to do things you think he’ll find Hot like screaming in bed or bringing in those toys. All in all, men can tell when you’re not being yourself in the bedroom and it makes it hard for them to enjoy the experience, because they know that you’re only halfway into it, and halfway thinking of bizarre ways to please them that you don’t even personally enjoy.

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