Hold The Hell Up: 8 Red Flags To Look Out For In Your New Man

July 10, 2012  |  
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I am a firm believer in that saying by Maya Angelou that says “When people show you who they are believe them the first time.” This philosophy should be applied to all aspects of life; however, this should be a golden rule for women who are in the dating game. Over and over we hear women drone ” He wasn’t always like this,” or  “He just changed on me one day out of nowhere.” No, boo, he didn’t change. He was always this way, he’s just finally showing you who he really is. As women when we first meet a man, out of eagerness, naivete and sometimes low-key desperation, we overlook major flaws and red flags just for the sake of being coupled up. Unfortunately, we usually wind up paying later with broken hearts and hurt feelings. Check out some of these red flags that should never be ignored.


He’s inconsistent 

Have you noticed that this new guy is severely inconsistent with just about everything in his life? Does he frequently speak of switching jobs, changing banks, and moving after short periods of time? This is what we call fickle. While there is nothing wrong with appreciating variety, this type of inconsistency can also come off very unstable. When a man can’t commit to anything in his life for an extended period of time it is a sign of deeper issues. If nothing in his life stays around for long, chances are, you won’t either.

He has a ridiculous temper

All right, we’re all human and we all get angry at one point or another, it’s natural. What’s not normal is getting into physical altercations as a result of road rage or getting into all out screaming matches with strangers. If you’re noticing that this new guy has the ability to go from 0 – 10 in a matter of seconds or frequently releases his frustration by punching something or cursing out anybody that gets in his way, you may want to consider getting out of the way, because he could very well take that crazy anger out on you.

He cheated with or left his ex for you 

Girl, if he had a woman when you emerged on the scene and he left ‘ol girl for you, chances are your relationship with this dude is as good as doomed. This guy is clearly a wanderer. Peep game, if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you and if he left her for you, he’ll be leaving you for someone else. That’s just how he’s wired, and as the saying goes, how you got him could be how you lose him. And if that doesn’t grab your attention then karma sure will. So don’t feel too triumphant yet, because what goes around comes around, sis.

He can’t hold down a job

Look, I know the economy sucks right now and unemployment rates are pretty high, but please don’t be foolish. There is a big difference between not being able to find a job and not being able to keep one. Look at the reasons why this guy can’t keep a job. Is he being laid off or is he quitting? Is he being fired for disciplinary reasons because he can’t seem to follow the rules or shows himself to be irresponsible? This economy is rough enough, no one needs extra or unnecessary baggage in the form of a grown man who one day could very well end up sitting on your couch all day and night. Or even worse, every time you two go out to dinner you get hit with the “Baby, you got me?” Boy, bye.

He’s manipulative

Love can make you extremely vulnerable because you are entrusting your heart to another person. One of the most damaging things that you can do is allow yourself to become vulnerable to a manipulative person. If you’re noticing this new guy is trying to use his affection to coerce you into doing something or he’s frequently hitting you with the good ole’ guilt trip, you should probably watch your back…and your wallet.

He has multiple baby mamas 

Have you noticed that this guy’s children look nothing alike or that two or more of them are like the same age? If he hasn’t already broken the news to you, do the math, it takes nine months to have a baby. Yup, he has children by several different women, but have you ever wondered why? It’s 2012 and sadly it is sometimes normal for a guy to have at least one baby mother, but 2+? Eh, I’m not so sure about this dude. Why is he spreading his seed with so many women? Why isn’t he with any of them? Are condoms against his religion or something? Start asking the right questions or get the heck out of that situation.

His ex is frequently the topic of conversation

In the game of love, the rebound chick almost always gets the short end of the stick. Have you noticed that this guy is always talking about his ex? He’s probably fresh out that relationship or hasn’t fully gotten over her. This probably means that you are the rebound girl and the rebound girl almost never wins because her sole purpose is to help a guy get over his broken heart. But, guess what happens when his heart is no longer broken? Get ready for the cold shoulder, boo.

Your time together is always rushed…

Have you noticed that you can only get through to see this guy during odd hours of the week or that he always disappears on holidays? Did you peep that when you guys are hanging out around a certain time he gets antsy and has to leave and that he can’t take any phone calls around you? Have you ever been to his house? Met his family? No? Wonder no more, the answer is pretty simple. You’re the side chick. He’s either married or in a “committed” relationship, and I am using the word committed very loosely. Make sure you run in the other direction…

Which flags would you add to the list?

Jazmine Denise is a New York City based Lifestyle & Relationship writer. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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