How I Learned To Stop Giving Boyfriends Husband Privileges
I learned that I had to be myself and allow a man to see me for who I was and not what I could do or give. I also had to learn what it meant to be a wife. To be a wife means more than cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, etc. It means to be wise, have a noble character, have strength and dignity, etc. and these qualities come from within. Also on my journey of learning and reflection I learned that just because a man (boyfriend) has husband potential, it does not mean that he is my husband, and I do not have to treat him as such. Another thing I came to realize is that if I gave my boyfriend husband privileges, we wouldn’t have much to look forward to if we got married!
Now I’m not saying that boyfriends don’t deserve special treatment, but I am saying that there should be standards and boundaries set in place and maintained on what we as girlfriends give to boyfriends. Many times out of desperation and fear of loneliness, we (including me) as women (girlfriends) lead ourselves to believe that we must roll out the red carpet for men (boyfriends) who have husband potential.
We believe if we do this then they will see our wifely qualities and commit to us in marriage, and sadly enough, some of us simply settle for a verbal/cohabitation commitment. The reality is until both girlfriends and boyfriends realize that the purpose of being a girlfriend or boyfriend (dating) is to assess someone’s character on a general level for the possibility of engaging in a meaningful, long term relationship, friendship or distant association that could lead to marriage, girlfriends will continue to give boyfriends husband privileges, and boyfriends will continue to indulge, and can you blame them! It’s like the old saying goes, why buy the cow when…
Liz Lampkin is the author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin