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Marriage isn’t always sunshine and roses. It takes effort, communication, and a shared commitment, especially when things get messy. That’s why knowing how to talk to your partner during challenging times can make all the difference.

Jessica Koosed Etting, Founder & CEO of the family management app Jam; Dr. Zelana Montminy, a behavioral scientist and author, and Vice writer Ashley Fike recently shared four phrases that every couple should keep close when communication starts to break down. These aren’t your typical self-help slogans—they’re practical, grounded, and surprisingly powerful.

1.“Can you take the mental lead on this one?”

This phrase isn’t just about delegating tasks; it’s about shifting responsibility and trust. It’s especially useful when one partner feels stuck in the role of constant planner, reminder, and manager.

During an interview with PureWow on Sept. 5, Dr. Montminy explained that the phrase helps to maintain balance in the relationship, the key to a strong partnership.

“By asking your partner to take the mental lead, you’re not just delegating tasks; you’re shifting ownership. It signals: I trust you to carry this, not just execute it. That small shift in language can rebalance the mental load and create real partnership,” Dr. Montminy added.

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2.“I’m going to tell you something that might be hard to hear.”

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According to Vice writer Ashley Fike, this phrase opens the door for honesty in a way that reduces defensiveness. Mentioned in her article published Sept. 13, Fike says this approach can be a game-changer in how couples handle difficult conversations.

Instead of launching into criticism or frustration, it softens the delivery and invites dialogue. It’s an emotional speed bump that allows both people to slow down and truly listen before things escalate into an argument.

3.“Our kids are watching.”

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This one may seem subtle, but its impact is far-reaching. As Etting explains, modeling teamwork in a relationship is one of the most powerful lessons parents can pass down to their children. When married couples argue or resort to passive-aggressive behavior, they may unintentionally model unhealthy relationship dynamics. By setting a strong example, parents can teach their children how to navigate conflict in healthy, respectful ways as they grow older.

“When kids see parents splitting up the mental load labor, they better understand that this isn’t just one person’s ‘job’ and that everyone benefits from chipping in together,” she told PureWow. 

It’s not just about getting through the day; it’s about showing the next generation what a healthy, balanced relationship looks like, Etting added.

4. “I need your support right now.”

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Here’s another great phrase from Fike that could help couples: “I need your support right now.” Simple, right? Sometimes, clarity is kindness. This phrase is direct and unambiguous. There’s no room for misinterpretation. You’re not asking for advice. You’re not looking for solutions. You just want your partner to show up emotionally.

It’s a simple reminder that vulnerability isn’t weakness and that asking for support is an act of trust, not neediness.

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on communication, but the right kind of communication matters. These four phrases may seem small, but they can create space for empathy, fairness, and emotional connection, especially when your marriage needs it most.

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