To The Friend Who Always Plans The Group Trip: A Love Letter
To The Itinerary Queens — The Black Women Holding Our Group Trips And Friendships Together: A Love Letter
Hey, you. Yeah, you—the designated group chat coordinator, itinerary queen, and unofficial travel agent. You’re not crazy, you’re the one who cares.
You’re the one sending the flight deals, researching room blocks, and making the Partiful look cute. You’ve picked the destination, the dress code, and even the damn hashtags. The vibes are always curated—down to the Canva flyer—but your group chat when it’s time to cough up the cash?
Crickets.
I see you.
You care about the experience. The memories. The sisterhood. The outfit coordination. The playlist. You want everyone to have fun—even the friend who always complains.
You are not the killjoy. You are the glue. But lately… that glue is cracking under pressure.
This letter is for you—the friend who wants to create memories and magic, but somehow ends up overwhelmed, underpaid, and over it.
Yes, you deserve the credit.
Let’s start by giving you your flowers, because this role is not for the weak. Planning doesn’t mean performing.
According to CivicScience, 71% of U.S. adults who make their travel arrangements say the process is at least somewhat stressful—and nearly half believe spending less time planning would improve their quality of life. Find yourself often handling everything from booking to budgeting to picking the Airbnb aesthetic? Yeah, that’s emotional labor. Labor that’s rarely split.
You’re the one skimming through TikTok reviews, internet searching hashtags, reading Airbnb reviews like it’s your nine-to-five, and silently panicking when folks text “I’ma pay you Friday” on a Monday.
Also for the ones in the back: let’s not forget the last-minute dropouts—the ones who waited until the confirmation email to suddenly remember their cousin’s baby shower. Again.
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Don’t let guilt gaslight you when “I’m in” doesn’t book a flight.
Somewhere along the way, you started wondering if you were asking for too much. Maybe it’s you who’s doing the most?
Spoiler alert: it’s not.
You just care. It’s okay to want plans to come together smoothly. It’s okay to budget in advance. It’s okay to send another “Hey y’all 👀” message when you need the money for that group dinner you booked six weeks ago.
A Priceline study reported that millennials spend more than 20 hours planning and booking a trip—nearly two full workdays—and 25% said it’s more frustrating than filing taxes or waiting at the doctor.
Maturity in friendship means respecting each other’s time and coins. Not going to pocket watch, because some of us have real bills, PTO caps, and anxiety. Nothing ruins a trip like someone who didn’t plan, didn’t save, and now has an attitude.
Every group has a Zelle fugitive.
Let’s be honest—there’s always one. That person who forgets to Zelle you for the rental car. The friend who magically disappears every time it’s time to split dinner.
According to Experian, 35% of millennials say their biggest money drama on group trips comes from “different expectations about spending.”
Translation? Somebody wants Don Julio on an a Jose Cuervo budget—or thinks paying you back is optional. So sometimes, you need to call them out. Respectfully. Because your love language is paid-in-full and on time.
Maybe you should travel solo (And that’s not sad).
Listen. If you gotta roll solo dolo to make the trip make sense—do it. According to Solo Traveler World, 72% of women in the U.S. have taken a vacation alone, and overall, 84% of solo travelers are women.
Because sometimes? It really comes to this.
We don’t want to fall out over a trip, but it happens. Especially when you’re trying to lead with grace and everybody else is leading with excuses.
And let’s be sooo for real—we’re in an era where Afterpay, Klarna, and payment plans are being used to book flights, concert tickets, and even furniture. So if people can’t commit to the trip, say that. But don’t leave your friends chasing you down while risking their own credit score.
Because travel isn’t just flights and housing, sis. You’re budgeting for hair, nails, outfits, waxes, excursions, oh my!
You think we’re about to pull up to paradise without our toes white and our airport fits coordinated? No ma’am. We are women.
The glam alone should be a category in your budget. So it’s okay to pivot and take the trip solo if it means keeping your peace—and your finances—intact.
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Shout out to the friends who get it.
My beloved roommate from college, Imani Johnson, has been a travel buddy of mine for years now. She always supports my writing gigs and said something that had me cracking up and healed me at the same time:
“Dearest gentle reader, sometimes it’s not that your friends don’t love you. They’re just broke! And that’s okay. Find some rich friends as a backup for when your broke friends can’t pull through 😔.”
She’s so silly, but this chime in is too real. She even told me today I’m so Carrie Bradshaw-coded (yes, she introduced me to Sex and the City). And I guess…she’s right. Because this is the kind of love letter Carrie would’ve typed up, wine in hand, toes polished, flight already booked.
Here’s to being the one who tries.
To the one who keeps trying—even when the group chat ghosts you.
To the one who’s willing to go, even if no one goes with you.
To the one with the spreadsheet, the Partiful invite, the restaurant reservations, and the unmatched patience:
You’re not doing too much. You’re doing what no one else will.
Here’s to you. #FlightsNotFeelings
