Privacy with purpose? That’s a green flag.
Source: David Carlson Photography
However, Damona Hoffman, a relationship expert and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, believes maintaining privacy in your partnership is beneficial because relationships thrive in safe and intentional spaces.
“In some cases, keeping a relationship off social media is about protection, boundaries, or just wanting to stay present in the relationship instead of performing it,” Hoffman told MadameNoire.
The relationship expert explains there’s a difference between broadcasting your relationship for validation and protecting it to preserve peace.
“Mature couples often realize that the opinions of strangers don’t belong in their relationship,” Hoffman said. “Not every intimate moment needs to be posted for likes. Choosing to keep things private can be an intentional act of love, saying, ‘This is for us, not for them.'”
No mentions, no photos, no commitment?
I understand when couples keep their relationship under wraps for a few months, especially as they get to know each other, because who wants to hard launch a guy that doesn’t stick around. But when this secretive relationship hits a year, now I’m concerned.
“Let’s not sugarcoat it: if someone never mentions their partner, avoids any photos, or acts like they’re single online, that could indicate something deeper,” Hoffman confessed. “Maybe they’re not fully committed, maybe there’s shame, or maybe they’re hiding something.”
I’ve noticed that people I follow strategically post about their partners without any identifiers for years, which always makes me wonder, who is this person they’re hiding? The longer the incognito posts go on, the more I thought this relationship could be based on infidelity, shame, or financial gain.
“When someone avoids posting their partner due to concerns about how they’ll be perceived, because they don’t meet social media’s beauty standards, income expectations, or aspirational lifestyle norms, it can create an emotional distance,” Jenkins said.
Protecting the relationship
Source: David Carlson Photography
The licensed marriage and family therapist admits the mysterious posts could make their partner feel insecure, believing their partner isn’t interested in showcasing their love to the online world.
“Sometimes it’s also about avoiding judgment from others, and sometimes it’s fear that it could become an invitation to others to connect with their partner online for the wrong reasons,” Hoffman unveiled.
I remember having a conversation with a friend about why women cover or hide their partner’s face online, and she said it’s because they don’t want another person to steal their man. I was gobsmacked by this response, but turns out more women think like this than I realized.
If there is fear of someone intentionally going after your man based on your social media posts about him, was he ever your man from the start?
“While not everyone owes the internet their love story, social media can act as a mild form of public accountability,” Jenkins added.
Meanwhile, some couples genuinely like a private life off social media, which is rare in today’s society, but should be honored.
“This is something I’ve experienced personally. My husband is a very private person, and we’ve had an ongoing, thoughtful conversation about what we’re both comfortable sharing publicly,” Hoffman added. “Whether or not to post your partner shouldn’t be a solo decision; it should be a mutual agreement based on trust and respect.”
And if that agreement involves throwing on an emoji or hiding your partner’s face and showing an unidentifiable body part instead, well, do what works for your relationship.
