Secret Lovers — The Truth Behind Hiding Your Partner Online”
Secret Lovers Or Shady Business? — If Your Partner Keeps You Hidden Online Is It A Red Flag? [Exclusive]
Recently, a growing number of women have been declaring their relationship status by posting photos of their partners without ever revealing their faces. Whether it’s a close-up of a hand, a foot, or the back of someone walking away, the identity remains hidden.
“Hiding a partner’s identity can absolutely be a sign that someone isn’t fully available. It might indicate they aren’t fully invested in the relationship or that they don’t view their partner as someone of significant importance,” Bree Jenkins, a licensed marriage and family therapist, dating coach and relationship expert, told MadameNoire.
When I started dating my husband nearly 10 years ago, we made it social media official after four months of dating with a photo of us snuggled up at the park—a clear signal we were taken. Today, a gesture like that can take years for couples to make and I don’t understand why.
RELATED CONTENT: Spill The ‘Tea’ — This Women-Only App Is Exposing Men You Should Avoid
Soft launch or red flag? When privacy starts to look like secrecy
Source: Bree Jenkins
Jenkins, the relationship guru based in California, believes hiding your partner on social media could be a red flag.
“I find there’s a strong psychological correlation between secrecy on social media and issues like cheating, emotional unavailability, insecurity, and shaky commitment levels,” Jenkins said.
This intentional tactic has raised concerns among relationship experts. They suggest it may signal deeper issues and could even be a red flag about the health of the relationship.
A survey, conducted by Datingadvice.com, found that 38% of millennials and Gen Zers prefer soft-launching relationships, 17% favor hard-launching, and 45% said they don’t share their relationship at all online or don’t have social media.
“In many cases, people who are married or in committed relationships but are pursuing situationships or side pieces will hide their partner on social media,” Jenkins said. “This creates a false sense of honesty, such as ‘I never said I was single,’ while still maintaining secrecy. It’s a way to avoid full transparency and manipulate perception by taking advantage of the gray area created by that secrecy.”
I always found it intriguing how people are comfortable enough to post detailed content about their entire lives, such as occupations, house tours, trip itineraries, and everything you can think of except their partner’s face.
“Concerning behaviors include consistently removing tags, refusing to share mutual photos, or going to great lengths to hide a partner while publicly documenting events, vacations, or special moments they share,” Jenkins confessed.
Privacy with purpose? That’s a green flag.
Source: David Carlson Photography
However, Damona Hoffman, a relationship expert and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, believes maintaining privacy in your partnership is beneficial because relationships thrive in safe and intentional spaces.
“In some cases, keeping a relationship off social media is about protection, boundaries, or just wanting to stay present in the relationship instead of performing it,” Hoffman told MadameNoire.
The relationship expert explains there’s a difference between broadcasting your relationship for validation and protecting it to preserve peace.
“Mature couples often realize that the opinions of strangers don’t belong in their relationship,” Hoffman said. “Not every intimate moment needs to be posted for likes. Choosing to keep things private can be an intentional act of love, saying, ‘This is for us, not for them.'”
No mentions, no photos, no commitment?
I understand when couples keep their relationship under wraps for a few months, especially as they get to know each other, because who wants to hard launch a guy that doesn’t stick around. But when this secretive relationship hits a year, now I’m concerned.
“Let’s not sugarcoat it: if someone never mentions their partner, avoids any photos, or acts like they’re single online, that could indicate something deeper,” Hoffman confessed. “Maybe they’re not fully committed, maybe there’s shame, or maybe they’re hiding something.”
I’ve noticed that people I follow strategically post about their partners without any identifiers for years, which always makes me wonder, who is this person they’re hiding? The longer the incognito posts go on, the more I thought this relationship could be based on infidelity, shame, or financial gain.
“When someone avoids posting their partner due to concerns about how they’ll be perceived, because they don’t meet social media’s beauty standards, income expectations, or aspirational lifestyle norms, it can create an emotional distance,” Jenkins said.
Protecting the relationship
Source: David Carlson Photography
The licensed marriage and family therapist admits the mysterious posts could make their partner feel insecure, believing their partner isn’t interested in showcasing their love to the online world.
“Sometimes it’s also about avoiding judgment from others, and sometimes it’s fear that it could become an invitation to others to connect with their partner online for the wrong reasons,” Hoffman unveiled.
I remember having a conversation with a friend about why women cover or hide their partner’s face online, and she said it’s because they don’t want another person to steal their man. I was gobsmacked by this response, but turns out more women think like this than I realized.
If there is fear of someone intentionally going after your man based on your social media posts about him, was he ever your man from the start?
“While not everyone owes the internet their love story, social media can act as a mild form of public accountability,” Jenkins added.
Meanwhile, some couples genuinely like a private life off social media, which is rare in today’s society, but should be honored.
“This is something I’ve experienced personally. My husband is a very private person, and we’ve had an ongoing, thoughtful conversation about what we’re both comfortable sharing publicly,” Hoffman added. “Whether or not to post your partner shouldn’t be a solo decision; it should be a mutual agreement based on trust and respect.”
And if that agreement involves throwing on an emoji or hiding your partner’s face and showing an unidentifiable body part instead, well, do what works for your relationship.
It’s a trauma response.
Another perspective people should consider when dealing with a partner who prefers to keep their love life offline is past trauma.
“Some people have trauma histories, cultural stigmas, or safety concerns that make them cautious about posting partners,” Jenkins explained.
She revealed how survivors of toxic or abusive relationships may be hesitant to share a new partner online due to fear of judgment or online harassment.
“In communities where LGBTQ+ relationships are still stigmatized, discretion might feel necessary,” Jenkins said. “The key here is mutual communication and consent.”
Healthy boundaries are one thing, but secrecy is another.
Source: milan2099
However, Hoffman suggests considering if these actions are “protecting the relationship, or protecting yourself from being seen in it? If you’re consistently obscuring their identity or withholding context, it might be time to reflect on why.”
In that reflection, you should also consider if your partner only communicates with you during odd hours, avoids being seen in public with you, and never invites you to their home. If so, these are some signs your partner could be in a relationship.
“Also, if you never get integrated into their daily life, like meeting friends, co-workers, or family, that’s not a whole, healthy relationship,” she added.
Jenkins agrees with that sentiment and emphasizes a partner should be introduced online around the same time they meet close friends or family members.
Private until the ring? That strategy might get you played.
Source: artiemedvedev
But some couples prefer to keep their relationship private until there is a ring on their finger and while that shock value tactic has worked for some, it has backfired for others.
“One of my guests on the Dates & Mates Podcast, Michelle Elman, found out when she posted her engagement photos that her fiancé was also dating one of her followers!” Hoffman unveiled.
So posting your partner on social media way before wedding bells ring might be a good idea before you say I do to someone who has a second boo.
There’s a difference between privacy and secrecy—and only you and your partner can draw that line. Social media isn’t the ultimate relationship test, but it can be a mirror reflecting what’s not being said out loud.
“If you feel hidden or erased, trust your instincts. Privacy should feel like protection, not punishment,” Hoffman said.
As the relationship expert reminds us, love doesn’t require an audience, but if you constantly feel invisible, that’s worth paying attention to. Whether your partner’s face is front and center or hidden behind an emoji, the real question is: are you being loved out loud when no one’s watching?
RELATED CONTENT: ‘Cookie Jarring’ Has Made A Comeback And This Controversial Dating Trend Isn’t Sweet
