3 Things To Talk About With Your Summer Fling
3 Must-Have Conversations To Have With Your Summer Fling Before The Heat Fades
Is having a summer fling a bad thing? Not at all. In fact, it can be a total blast. There’s just something about warmer weather that gets people in the mood, for fun, for freedom, and a little spontaneity when meeting someone new. The great thing about a summer fling is that you don’t have to place so much pressure on trying to morph a connection that may only last for the warmer months into something more. But dating experts say both partners need to have a clear line of communication so that no one ends up hurt if one person is expecting to turn the situation into a long-term relationship.
“There is a friskiness that happens when the weather is nicer. I would say people are more prone to hook-ups, less so to relationships. In the winter, that flips,” explained Hunt, an anonymous dating coach, during a 2013 interview with HuffPost.
Casual connections deserve clarity, and with the end of summer around the corner, it might be time to check in with your seasonal sweetheart. Whether you’re hoping for more or ready to part ways, these three tips can help you figure out where things really stand.
1. Who are they outside of the bedroom?
Just because the connection started with chemistry doesn’t mean it has to stay surface-level or solely focused on intimacy. Try getting to know the person behind the flirting—if they are willing. This will help you both to establish if you would like to remain friends beyond summer or if there is potential to grow the fling into something more.
Ask about their favorite summer memories as a kid. What’s a dream they’ve never told anyone? What scares them? “Be human,” Hunt advised. Vulnerability deepens connection, and it can help you decide whether there’s real potential or just good summer vibes.
Hunt explained that this premise is especially key for women.
“First off, let them see the ‘you’ under your summer persona. Don’t let him just think you’re a party girl. By all means, have fun, just make sure that the guy sees you as a person and not an object or distraction. If men look at you as more than a one-dimensional thing, it will be much harder to discard you.” Hunt added, “Talk about your favorite summer memories growing up, what career you would love to find yourself in, and things that scare you.”
2. Is this lust or something more?
Summer flings are known for being more physical than emotional, but what if you’re catching feelings? Here’s a tip, according to relationship expert Tam Kaur. One way to tell where things are headed is to pay attention to how your partner speaks to you. Are their compliments only about your looks, or do they go deeper?
“If the only thing they compliment is superficial, that’s not romance, it’s objectification dressed up as interest,” Kaur told Vice on July 29. “Watch where their eyes go when you’re speaking and see if they are truly listening, or if their eyes are wandering or darting around the room.”
If you feel more objectified than pursued, it’s a sign this fling likely won’t last past Labor Day, Kaur added. True interest feels intentional and respectful. Now, if you’re someone who values commitment, don’t hide your desires just to keep things light. Speak out about what you want. Your fling’s response or reaction will tell you if they are on board.
“If they flinch every time something referencing the future comes up, that’s your answer,” Kaur said. “Someone who truly wants you will naturally include you in their plans, not just for Saturday night, but for what’s next.”
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3. What will happen when summer ends?
This is the big one. Once the vacations wind down and routines return, will you still be talking, or was this just a seasonal chapter? Now’s the time to have an honest conversation about what happens next. Will you stay in touch? Try long-distance? Or part ways with gratitude for the memories? You don’t need to have all the answers, but knowing you’re on the same page can help you move forward, whether that’s together or apart.
Remember, flings don’t have to be heavy, but clear communication can make all the difference.
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