The Fun Wife Era: Black Women Are Redefining Marriage
‘Your Husband Lets You Go Out?’ — Why I Still Party, Dress Sexy And Push Back Against Toxic Marriage Expectations [Op-Ed]
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Wedding bells sound like a living hell to some people. They believe once you’re married, the fun part of life is over, which I disagree with. I consider myself the modern fun wife – a partner who enjoys dressing up sexy, going out with my girls, and indulging in some good ole me time, while still fulfilling my duties as a devoted wife.
Fabiola Jean Baptiste, 29, a wife and marketing field manager from Houston, Texas, believes you can still fulfill your role as a wife, while staying true to yourself and remembering what attracted your partner to you in the first place.
“Submission doesn’t mean silence or shrinking. A lot of people think that when you get into marriage, you’re oppressed and you have to stop dressing a certain way or going out with your friends or just having this big life shift,” Jean Baptiste revealed to MadameNoire.
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Redefining the Modern Wife
I’ve set these boundaries within my relationship because I’ve seen too many women lose parts of themselves in the name of marriage, sacrificing joy and identity to meet someone else’s version of what a wife should be.
Bree Jenkins, a California-licensed marriage and family therapist, dating coach, and relationship expert, revealed how modern wives are debunking the notion of being a “good wife.”
“I think people suppress their needs and try to just focus on being a quote-unquote ‘good wife’…Sometimes the term good wife, underneath that, we think pleasant, a lack of having needs, willing to self-sacrifice, willing to lift up and support, always being the follower without a voice that takes space for itself, but that’s not sustainable,” Jenkins, 40, told MadameNoire. “Some of the psychological and emotional consequences of that can set up deep resentment, which is anytime that you are giving outside of your healthy limits.”

Source: Bree Jenkins/ Tiana Menelli
Ever since becoming a wife, I’ve been bombarded with questions that reflect outdated expectations: “Are you going to stop going out as much?” “Shouldn’t you be preparing for a baby?” “Your husband lets you go out that often?” It’s as if marriage is a beautiful cage where a woman’s world shrinks to cooking, cleaning, and centering her entire life around her partner.
“To be able to still go out, carry your values and not disrespect your marriage I think is the standard [and] to focus on who you are,” Jean Baptiste added. “If a man is secure within himself and can really trust you, he knows that dressing sexy isn’t to seek attention but to be confident in who you are.”

Source: Reem Photography
Despite breaking the mold of a traditional wife, Jean Baptiste prioritizes keeping her religion at the forefront of her marriage.
“Everything I am and do is centered around Jesus Christ…but being a Godly wife doesn’t mean you have to fit into a cookie-cutter mold. It means to be intentional and show up in my marriage, my home and our shared purpose,” Jean Baptiste said.
I also defy the traditional mold—especially the one often assigned to Caribbean wives. I still go out with my girls almost every weekend, take girl trips when I need to reset, dress in what makes me feel sexy, and enjoy myself because those things make me feel alive.

Source: Taylor Knight
Balancing Identity and Marriage
Erica Williams, 47, from Orlando, Florida, often referred to her experience as a wife as performative because she started to dress more modestly, spoke up less in public settings, always put her family’s needs ahead of hers, and put on a facade that she found draining after a long day.
“I wish I had poured into myself way more than I did,” Williams confessed to MadameNoire. “Girls trips, solo trips or even trips with solitude. No baby bottle, no diaper change, no dealing with the husband, just filling my cup.”

Source: Erica Williams
She believes more girl time could have helped her maintain her individuality.
“Balance is really key, where both people feel a sense of interdependence, where we have individuality that is allowed to exist, that brings us happiness and joy, but we’re also working with respect to our partner,” Jenkins shared.
Modern wives are redefining partnership and rejecting the idea that marriage should dim their light.
Christina Augustin, 31, a wife and doctor based in Philadelphia, gushes over being in a marriage where her light continues to shine, with a husband who embraces it.
“I can be anybody I want to be with him. He was the kind of person I knew wasn’t going to be judgmental … I never felt like I was giving up any part of my identity in any part of our relationship throughout dating or marriage,” Augustin told MadameNoire.

Source: Yana Shelman
Longtime wives revealed what they would do differently if given the chance to go back in time and give their younger self advice.
“Marriage is a title, but it doesn’t define me,” Williams declared. “I am still Erica.”
Williams, a mother/baby nurse, met her ex-husband in high school. After they got married, she became the ultimate wife, pouring into her family’s cup and never hers.
“Make sure that whatever you’re going into, you can do it from the beginning to the end,” she confessed about doing household tasks, which she found exhausting, but thought was expected of a wife.
Jenkins shared that poor boundaries can lead to depression and anxiety, as self-sacrifice often comes at the cost of your own needs.
“Being true to yourself is important, it’s not a performance because [those efforts] are supposed to last forever,” Williams added.
The Power of Time Away With Your Girls
It’s about balance—date nights, solo time, and sisterhood. Sometimes, nothing feeds the soul like time with yourself and your girls.
Winsome Wilson, 51, who’s been married 11 years in Cincinnati, Ohio, takes an annual trip to visit her best friend.
“It’s good to be away from my husband, it’s like a pause and reset to process my marriage, myself, children and work,” Wilson, a human resources director, unveiled to MadameNoire.

Taylor Knight
Although the time away feels refreshing, she admits the idea of a girls trip and hanging out with your friends outside of your husband is a foreign concept for her peer group.
“Our generation [believes] everywhere the husband is, the wife is…everywhere you see the wife, you see the husband. The younger generations don’t do that…I like that!” Wilson laughed.
Augustin, who got married in February 2025, emphasizes the importance of having a community outside of your partner.
“You’re basically asking them to be every person in your life and putting that unfair expectation on them, asking to do all these things… I think that can be actually damaging to your relationship,” Augustin added.

Source: Rudy D Photography
The relationship expert reinforces that without a support system, a marriage is prone to collapse.
“If you don’t have yourself and your community, you won’t be your best self. I believe it makes you a better wife,” Jean Baptiste said. “Marriage isn’t the end of the community; it should deepen it when you find your partner.”
Wilson recalls when women would end communication with their single friends because they believed they must only align themselves with women in the same stage of life.
“It was almost as though men told the women that you couldn’t have any more single friends, only married friends,” Wilson sighed.

Source: Erica Williams
Today, more women are breaking away from the old-school status quo that encourages abandoning friendships—and instead, they’re recognizing just how vital those connections are to their well-being.
“Invest in those friendships,” Williams declares. “It’s good to have some friends that are not married,” she claims these relationships give different insight on life outside of motherhood and marriage.”
The Power of Community and Self-Care
Although Dimesha Hardy, 31, is one month into her marriage, the licensed mental health therapist based in Orlando, Florida, already understands the importance of maintaining her community.
“Girlfriends bring a different level of connection that your husband can’t bring,” Hardy explained to MadameNoire. “It reduces the tension between your partnership that may arise because you have other people to spend time with versus you and your partner being together 24/7.”

Source: Shantel Carrero
Hardy explains how spending time with friends not only nurtures individuality but also brings fresh energy back into her marriage.
“There is value in having that alone time to foster that individuality with other people, and then to bring that back to your partner,” Hardy said. “Cause I love hanging out with my friends and then being able to come back and be like, ‘Jeff, could you believe that this happened?’ or ‘Let’s talk about this.’ It brings another love interest into your marriage.”

Source: Shantel Carrero
Sometimes, when a woman is in distress, she relies on the “tend and befriend” strategy—connecting with friends who have a deeper capacity to share joy or offer emotional support than a partner might.
“It actually helps women to better regulate their stress in a marriage, to have outside relationships,” Jenkins shared. “It serves like a biological function that actually supports marriage.”
For singles who still question if marriage is for them, consider what aspects you want in a partner and in a healthy marriage. There are no set guidelines, but setting boundaries, maintaining your community, and staying true to yourself will carry you far.
Embrace your title as “wife” without ever dimming your light.
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