Upset couple sitting on couch and holding hands
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Have you ever felt like you were your boyfriend’s therapist, emotional support system, life coach, and loving partner—all rolled into one? Don’t worry, sis. You’re not imagining it and you’re definitely not alone.

Researchers at Stanford’s Clayman Institute For Gender Research have finally put a name to something so many women have experienced in silence for years: “Mankeeping.” It’s the exhausting emotional labor of being your partner’s entire support system. Managing his stress. Reading his moods. Holding space for feelings he won’t share with anyone else. All while your own needs often go unacknowledged, unsupported, and overlooked.

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Angelica Puzio Ferrara, a Clayman Institute for Gender Research postdoctoral fellow and researcher behind the overwhelming relationship dynamic, believes that mankeeping is an unfortunate by-product of the male loneliness epidemic, as men typically have fewer friends than women.

man keeping, emotional, support, Angelica Ferrara,  Clayman Institute For Gender Research, dating
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“In the US, about one in five men claim they have no close friends,” she explained in a press release published in 2024. “In comparison to women’s social networks, men’s social networks in the US and UK tend to be thinner in depth, less frequent in emotional disclosure, and more rarely relied on for support.”

Because many men lack close friendships or safe spaces to talk about their emotions, they often lean heavily on the women they’re dating to meet all their emotional needs. This turns their partner into their main—sometimes only—emotional pillar, a dynamic that compensates for men’s “stunted social networks,” the scholar shared.

In turn, some women may feel it’s their responsibility to shield their partners from emotional isolation. But what may start as empathy can quickly become a heavy, one-sided emotional burden.

Mankeeping may be steering some women away from dating, said Ferrara.
man keeping, emotional, support, Angelica Ferrara,  Clayman Institute For Gender Research, dating
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In an interview with Forbes, Ferrara shared more insights from her research on mankeeping, noting that many women often feel overwhelmed when their partner dumps “a lot of emotional problems” onto them—and this issue isn’t just exclusive to romantic situations. Some women told the Stanford researcher that they have even experienced mankeeping from male co-workers, too. 

The respondents said that after relying so heavily on women to process their own emotions, many men are unequipped—or unwilling—to return the favor when they need emotional support. And it doesn’t stop there. Many women also become their partner’s unofficial social coordinator, constantly encouraging them to reconnect with friends, maintain relationships, and build meaningful bonds. From suggesting a guys’ night out to planning group events, women often take on the invisible labor of helping men form the social networks they struggle to maintain on their own. It can be downright exhausting.

Sadly, Ferrara says that this growing problem may be steering some women to ditch relationships altogether, and data seems to support her theory. A 2020 Pew Research study found that only 38% of single women in the U.S. are currently looking for a relationship compared to 61% of single men. Many women said they were not looking for a relationship because they had other priorities outside of dating, while others admitted they simply enjoyed being single.

What about you? Are you guilty of mankeeping? Tell us about your experience in the comments section.

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