How To Avoid Having A Bad First Date
Nail That First Date: Tips To Keep It Fun, Flirty And Far From Cringe
First dates can be nerve-wracking. There’s a lot to consider: what to say, what to wear, and whether there’ll be a spark. All that overthinking can quickly turn excitement into anxiety. To top things off, if you’re someone who dives deep into research before a first date, scouring social media or analyzing every detail, you might actually be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist and dating expert at Northwestern University, warns that over-preparing can kill the natural spark that should occur on a first date.
“Curiosity is where the spark lives,” she explained during an interview with Vox. When you try to script the experience too much, you risk losing the spontaneity and magic that comes with genuinely discovering someone in real-time.
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This could be due to the culture evolving around dating apps, Anna Morgenstern, a New York-based matchmaker, told the outlet. They encourage us to share more than just our looks. We’re prompted to reveal everything from our favorite foods to quirky habits, all in the hopes of sparking a connection. But when someone’s profile divulges too much, it can make first conversations feel redundant. How do you stay curious and engaged when it feels like you already know their story?
“You also don’t want to build an idea of someone in your mind and be disappointed if they don’t live up to the hype you’ve created,” Morgenstern explained. “If you’re looking for an ick on a potential date, you’ll find one and the date will be pretty boring if you’ve already found out everything about them.”
How do you keep the spark alive on a first date?
To keep the spark of curiosity alive in dating, consider working with a matchmaker. While the idea might sound old-fashioned or even a little cheesy, matchmakers offer a personalized, thoughtful approach that can make a real difference. According to ZipRecruiter, a matchmaker’s role is to help individuals find compatible partners by getting to know their personalities, preferences, and relationship goals. From there, they connect clients with potential matches who truly align with what they’re looking for, often guiding the early conversations to help the connection grow naturally.
Using a matchmaker or asking for help from a friend or family member to set up a blind date is a good start, says Morgenstern.
“A blind date can feel exciting,” the relationship expert shared. “To give up some of that control and go back to simpler times by trusting a friend or family member with their matchmaking skills.”
To keep the conversation flowing and avoid awkward silences on a date, it helps to come prepared with a few engaging questions that spark curiosity and connection. Morgenstern and Solomon suggested asking thoughtful, open-ended prompts like: “What’s your favorite childhood memory, and would you want to recreate it with your own family someday?”, “What’s your biggest fear?”, or “What always makes you laugh?” These kinds of questions invite meaningful conversation and help reveal someone’s personality beyond surface-level small talk.
On the flip side, avoid diving into topics like money or probing into why your date is still single. As relationship expert Alexa Johnston notes, these can come off as intrusive or make it seem like you’re only interested in a payout. Instead, relax, stay present, and let the date unfold naturally.
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