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Why are you still single? Are your standards too high? Are you asking for too much? It would help if you worked on yourself. You must be a wife first to find someone to marry.
Singleness is often met with shame and questioning, making single women feel as though there’s something wrong with them because they aren’t yet married. Why don’t we celebrate singleness the same way we celebrate marriage? Could there be a stigma surrounding singleness, especially for women? I believe so. We should explore the beauty and benefits of singleness to understand why Paul writes in Corinthians that he wishes everyone was single:
“Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” 1 Corinthians 7:7.
When reading 1 Corinthians 7:7, my perspective was completely different three or four years ago. Why would Paul wish that everyone were single? Doesn’t he understand how hard and hopeless it can feel to be single? Those thoughts would have been running through my mind. But over the past year or so, I’ve found contentment in God with my singleness. Contentment is something you see, not force. To be content where we are, we must unravel the misconceptions and stigma around singleness and understand who we are in God.
If more people find contentment in their singleness, we could make the singleness stigma fade. But as long as we view singleness as a form of bondage, a curse, or something abnormal, we’ll keep perpetuating the idea that being single means something’s wrong with you. Let’s explore the beauty of singleness.
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Time
I see singleness as a grace period. It’s a beautiful season, no matter how long you’re in it, where you can heal, grow, and learn without the pressure of being 100% committed to someone else. Singleness is a time to explore your true identity, discover your purpose, and unlearn and learn things that can benefit your future marriage. It’s also a time to rebuild and restore broken relationships and friendships. For instance, you can travel solo, pursue your passions without compromise, and invest in your personal growth and development.
Singleness allows you to confront past traumas that may affect how you view yourself or receive love. If you talk to healthy married couples, you’ll find that how they spent their singleness considerably impacted their marriage. If they spent that time desperately seeking a mate to fill a void, feel loved, or find satisfaction, that carried into their marriage. But if they used that time to heal, grow, and explore how their past affects their behaviors and thoughts, that too carried over into their marriage.
Instead of seeing singleness as something to bypass, we should embrace it. When we do, we can pour the things that will benefit our future marriages into our singleness. It’s beautiful that God doesn’t always give us what we want when we want it. Sometimes, we’re not fully ready for marriage if we haven’t addressed the issues we’ve carried from our singleness—even if we didn’t cause them.
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Purpose
Paul says in Corinthians that while you’re single, you are to be devoted to the Lord. Looking back on my 12 years of singleness, I can wholeheartedly say that I appreciate every moment. I appreciate the heartbreaks because they taught me what I don’t deserve. I understand the pain because it revealed areas where God wanted to heal me. I enjoyed alone time with God because it allowed me to explore the answer to the question, “What am I here for?”
Once I stopped focusing on my need to be fulfilled in a relationship and turned my attention to God, I realized that my life’s purpose isn’t tied solely to being a wife. Even if God calls us to be wives, our purpose goes beyond that. There are so many places God wants us to go and things He wants us to explore, and singleness allows us to do those things.
Remember that singleness is a blessing when people ask, “Why are you still single?” or when society makes you feel ashamed of your relationship status. It’s not a trap you need to escape from. It’s a time to find your purpose, walk with God in your healing, and get to know yourself without distractions. And remember, you are never truly alone when you have a relationship with God. His love and presence can fill any void of loneliness.
We must change how we view singleness by embracing its purpose, freedom, and beauty. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single. This season is full of opportunities for growth and healing, and like marriage, it deserves to be celebrated. Singleness isn’t a limitation; it’s a journey of self-discovery and personal development.
Singleness isn’t something to fix—it’s a journey. And if God does bring it to an end one day, you’ll look back and be thankful for how you embraced it and made the most of it.
Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.
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